What Next?

Now I know I am autistic, what next?

I started this blog almost exactly a year ago! So much has changed, so much has stayed the same.

Now I have my ” official diagnosis” I can move forward with my original plan.

I want to reach out to other undiagnosed older adults and help them find out about

autism and how it might have worked in their lives. Diagnosis can bring self understanding,
self forgiveness, new understanding of old hurts, emotional healing, repair of relationships, and learning of new ways to make life better.

For me, this means that I will not only have a blog, but will start workiing on a forum for discussion of autism and the lost generations of people age 55 and over.

I want to develop talks to explain how autism is hiding in these generations and how useful knowing about one’s autism can be to people when they learn of it.

Since December I have been working on developing a two sided single page information sheet to share with others. It has been very difficult to find the right words to explain autism and to create a short sort of self test to help people see if they too might be autistic. Along with this I need to include contact information and a place to go for more information. A lot of stuff to fit on one sheet of paper!

Here is a link to my newly created forum, as a page on Facebook. It is meant for information sharing about autism diagnosis among older people and not as a social page, for parenting, or other ( such as sales or self promotion) venue. Please join up and share – there are so many who might benefit if they were able to find out that they too have always been autistic, but did not know it! https://www.facebook.com/groups/543548573159235/


Next I plan to approach local groups and perhaps radio or newspapers to propose a talk about undiscovered autism in the senior populations. I think of such groups as the senior citizens center, nursing homes, emergency room/medical facilities, the homeless shelters, shelter for victims of abuse, drug treatment group, mental illness support groups, etc.

I will print as many of my one page sheets as I can afford to and pass them out, leave them in public places such as grocery store bulletin boards, the library, and other places where people may gather (with permission).

The idea of talking to groups is terrifying to me, but in new understanding of my autism and working on personal growth, I feel bound to try this. Knowing how much I have been helped and how much relief of emotional pain, how much better my life has been since learning of my autism, it is something that seems very important. Important enough for me to try!

OK, here goes… wish me luck! ❤ It is going to be a new year of discovery and exploration. Learning how to be old and autistic at the same time, and hoping to find others along the way. I’ll keep you posted!

Autism tools you can use

How to find help

This continues regarding tools you can use to help yourself live a better life. The same goes for those who care for an autistic family member or care about somebody who is autistic.

Many times we struggle with problems that are too big to handle alone.
Yet we are afraid to reach out to others or ask for help from professionals or groups which may be able to provide information, training, or other support you need.

If you are afraid to ask for help by yourself, please try to get somebody to be your advocate, whether you contact an attorney, social worker, minister or priest or others in a church group, service groups, there are specialists who are waiting to serve your needs and help you find ways to make your life better.

If you have struggles communicating there are people who can teach you skills to help express yourself better.

If you have needs for housing, food, clothing, there are agencies and individuals who are willing to help.

If you struggle with problems with drugs and alcohol or other substance abuse, even over eating, there are professionals and support groups waiting with tools you need to succeed.

If you struggle with emotional overload or anger management issues, there are professionals and support groups available.

If you need help with almost any struggle, there is help available.

There are things standing in the way of getting help, though. First we have to know ourselves well enough to understand our struggles. Second we have to admit we need help with them. Third we have to reach out to others to find the help we may need to overcome these problems.

Which stage are you in? Do you know your worst struggles? What brings the most frustration or pain to your life? Do you know why? How can we sort it all out?

Therapists, Social workers, and psychologists can help us understand ourselves better. We can find information online, in books, self tests, or talking with others in support groups or online forums. Take time to think through the biggest problems you have now or have had in the past. Then know that you don’t have to work on those problems alone.

Your Doctor might be a good place to start. You can ask for referral to professional help if your problems can be helped by medical professionals.
You can call the local crisis hotline and ask what agencies they have on their lists that could help you. The more specific you can be about your struggles, the more likely they can be to match you up with somebody who can help.

Hospitals and churches usually have lists of helpful connections, as do all social agencies and usually senior citizens centers have resources available. These can be to help almost any issue from depression and suicidal thinking, mental illness, homelessness, hunger, domestic abuse, child care, respite for caregivers, health care, home help, anger management, substance abuse, sexual abuse, and many other issues.
There are resources available for learning better communication skills, finding help for specific chores such as cleaning, laundry, mowing or snow shoveling, helping with transportation to medical appointments or grocery shopping.
The list of helps available is long, and there are usually more resources available in larger urban areas than in small communities. If you are afraid to reach out, you can check a lot of things online, or perhaps you will have a friend, family member or other willing soul to help you search out answers to your struggles.

There is no reason to struggle alone when there are so many ways to find the help you need. If you struggle with overwhelming issues, feel lost and alone, even if you can’t be specific but only know you need help, there is help available.
Please reach out, you do not have to do this alone.

Autism Tools You Can Use

Ways to help you get through autistic struggles

Chances are you already use a few aids or tools to help you survive and thrive in every day activities. Once I learned about my autism and the ways it works in my interactions with the world, I found things to help me deal with struggles in ways I had not thought of before.

It has taken a couple of years and lots of study and thought to understand my worst autistic struggles. I know my strengths and weaknesses within the spectrum fairly well. I have learned “how to be autistic” from others with more experience, and many have shared what works best for them in many struggles. This is a partial list of tools to use to help you get by every day. By knowing my diagnosis, I learned that I could make my own struggles less by planning ahead and using certain tools in new, very deliberate ways.

Sensory processing issues are at the heart of autism.
Things like sensitivity to light can be helped with dark or colored glasses, light blocking curtains, adjustable blinds, rheostat switches on lights so the brightness can be adjusted.

Using different type light bulbs or different wattage around the house, wearing hats with brims, sunglasses, using a parasol or umbrella, can all help regarding issues with light.
Plan ahead for circumstances you can predict. I keep sunglasses in my car, my pockets, and my back pack for driving, stores and other public places, beaches,etc, and the ones at home are for gardening, taking out the trash, walking the dog… etc etc.. Keeping several pairs of sunglasses handy is new to my knowledge of autism. Before I used sunglasses if I remembered them randomly or when I could find them. I made them easier to use by having many pairs in special places. Today they are a tool I use to make my life more comfortable.

Ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones or listening devices can be used for the person who has auditory struggles and needs to isolate from noise and chaos.
I carry sets of ear plugs in all the places I put my sunglasses. They come in handy everywhere and reduce the stress of areas with lots of background noise, sudden loud noise, ( I watched the 4th of July fireworks this year with ear plugs… best yet experience).


Noise cancelling headphones are great, and some people use audio devices the same way, just plugging in to music and hiding the noises of crowds etc in that way.
I do not do well listening to headphone music etc because for me it adds to confusion and is too much stimulation to my already over stimulated brain in those situations.. it is distracting and or disorienting and for me unsafe to use outside my home or in the car. You might have to experiment with music to see if it hurts or helps in your own struggles.

Proprioception problems can sometimes be helped by wearing certain items such as weighted vests or very tight clothing. If you feel more “wobbly” or fear falling as you get older, you might see if physical therapy could help. Check with you doctor! Certain exercises for balance and motion can be obtained from internet sources of prescribed by physical or occupational therapists. It is probably better to involve a professional because of the chance of not performing the exercises correctly and thereby not getting the benefit of the efforts.

Using a set of walking sticks or other tools may give you more input as to your surroundings.


Using a walking stick or cane will also give a visual cue when you are in a crowded situation, and people tend to notice and give you a bit more room.

Short term memory can be helped by using note pads by every phone, at your desk, in the car and in you pockets or purse.. self reminders with sticky notes can be helpful too. Calendars on the wall or on an electronic device can help. There are devices or apps that can give you an alarm to remind you of events or appointments, and there are devices or apps to help you wake up or remind you to take your pills, remind you to eat, exercise, etc.

Executive function can be helped by planning a schedule using calendar, dry erase boards, chalk boards, felt boards, placed by the door or fridge or other place where you must pass it frequently. Reminders can be posted in each room (make bed, hang up clothes, shut off lights) etc… The biggest problem in using these things is to get into the habit to remember to use them. Now I have trained myself to put everything on our calendar, life is not a scramble to remember appointments, meetings, social engagements, etc etc… it is all there in one place because we remember to put the information in place. “did you remember to put it on the calendar?” is one of the most frequently spoken phrases in our home.

Telephone had been a source of anxiety for years. We solved this by using a phone answering device… today most people have caller ID. We also used “nomorobo’ programs to screen against robot callers and dunning sales calls. Today most people only have cell phones which can be programmed to recognize only certain callers etc.

Knowing my needs and sensitivities now I can think about the things that cause me the most struggles and can take measures to make things easier by planning ahead. I can make special foods to take with me on trips. I can make sure I have my coping tools and things to comfort myself. I can plan ahead to have alternatives if things do not work out the way I thought they would. (important stuff to autistic inflexiblity survival).

I can make sure I have the right drugs in the right amounts and use a pill management arrangement to keep track of when or even IF I took the right meds today.

There are so many things we can use to help us keep our lives sorted and on track. Thinking about what will work best for us may take some time, and will change as our needs change and our lives and situations and abilities change. Take the time to think it over and see if you can apply new ways to help you have more comfort and success every day.

Things such as getting good meals might be helped by buying pre-prepared food. (now you can even order at most groceries and have things delivered without having to ever set foot in the place!) Foods that go from the freezer or deli sections and is microwavable… are easier than cooking and cleanup.. or using one of the many food-at home or meal delivery programs available in many places. This saves preparation time, helps with safety issues (burns, spills, oven left on, etc) and cleanup.

Many alternatives are available for cleaning your home and for struggles with shampoo and bathing, too.. If you do not do these things as well, there are products on the market that can help make these chores easier. Occupational therapy may also help teach you new ways to handle old chores.
Laundry will be easier if it is located on the main floor and stairs avoided especially when carrying things such as laundry baskets so that you are not able to use a hand rail.
Cleaning and home help for personal care and most household chores are sometimes available and can sometimes be prescribed by a doctor if needed.

If you do not need accommodations now, do be thinking about what may be needed in the future and try to prepare for it.

Check out agencies available, insurance coverage, talk to family or friends and ask for input. this may give some insights and also help you judge if there may be help available from them if you ever need it. ( Some people think their children or neighbors or friends will provide for them or take care of them if they need help, only to find out too late that this might not be the case) If you want things a certain way as you age, you are your own best advocate to set things in motion to make those things happen.

I know I may have struggles sorting out emotions or dealing with stressful situations. I have had struggles and depression and anxiety and have needed help with issues in the past, both for myself and loved ones. I know that there is therapy and meds that can help many of these things. If you are constantly hurting emotionally or have difficulty with anger or compulsive behaviors, please do not struggle alone. Reach out and get help. There are so many alternatives, and you are not to blame for your struggles. You can learn new ways to deal with these things. There are choices you can make, there are insights you can find, there are new ways of dealing with terrible situations in the past or present. Professional help is so valuable. You are not alone. Please reach out and seek help for painful past or current situations or disabling social struggles. I don’t regret one moment of the time I spent in therapy years ago. It changed my life for the good and better and improved my life in so many healthy ways!

Occupational therapy and physical therapy are available to help me learn new ways to do physical things which used to be easy in my youth but have become a struggle. If you have struggled with balance, depth perception, odd gaits, inability to do daily household self care or care of your home, occupational therapists can show you new ways to do things. Consulting a neurologist or other specialists can help too, especially if you are dealing with multiple diagnoses. If one professional does not help and has no alternatives, remember that you are entitled to a second opinion or even a third.. You know yourself better than anybody else does. You are worthy of being the best you can be physically, emotionally, and mentally. What can you do to make life better for yourself right now? What plans can you make to have a better future? If you can’t find a way by yourself, please reach out to others. There is help available. Make sure you get the help you need.

Autism and ageing

Special hazards in ageing are magnified in autism.

I took some time this past summer to help a friend who had fallen and had to have surgery for multiple fractures that resulted.
Yesterday I heard from another friend that her husband had fallen getting out of the tub, and that she had fallen on the concrete walk outside their home.

I fell 2 years ago and did severe damage to muscles and tendons of one foot. It took months to recover full function.

I think you can guess where I’m headed with this one. All of us are over 60 years old, all of us were injured due to falls.

National council on ageing provides some information to put the importance of avoiding falls into perspective.

One in 4 people over 65 will have a fall this year.

Falls are the leading cause of fatal injury in those over age 65.

Falls are the most common reason for being hospitalized in the over 65 age group.

Do I have your attention now?

Autistic people may be at even more risk than the general population because of our struggles with seizures, poor proprioception, general poorer physical care and body condition, difficulties with executive function, and other autism associated struggles.

As any person ages, they become weaker, have problems with vision, slower reaction times, and other failure of our bodies to work as they used to. Health problems such as hypertension, stroke, heart disease, etc all make us more vulnerable to every day accidents.

What can we do to help ourselves live safely and thrive as we get older?

To prevent falls, we can talk to our doctors about our physical condition and medications that might interfere with coordination and balance or perception. We can ask for help in assessing our homes for safety hazards, as many senior programs are available today to help with risk assessment, therapy for balance and coordination, etc. Make sure your eyes get checked and that you have the right prescription lenses. If you have glasses use them, don’t try to get around the house without them!

We can ‘do it ourselves’ or ask family, friends or others to help us assess the risks associated with conditions at home.

Remove clutter from floors and especially hallways and stairs.

Provide safe footing on floors and in bathtubs and showers.
Remove throw rugs and look for trip hazards such as raised thresholds, step-up or down floors of multiple levels. Look for inclined or rough transition areas from one type of floor to another.

Use painted or bright colored tape to mark these places so that attention is called to these trouble spots if they can not be modified. Use traction strips or no slip mats for bathrooms and kitchens, and mark the edges of steps with bright color or white so they are more easily visible.


Be aware of porch and basement floors which can be so hazardous and slippery when wet. there are special textured paints which can be applied to most surfaces to provide better traction and add non-slip qualities to floors.

Wear clothing that is close to your body and does not drag (long cuffs, billowing legs or skirts of pajamas or hemlines of robes, trailing belts of robes, etc can all catch your feet, legs, or hands, and can be caught on projecting knobs, stair rail ends, or other furniture details.
Wear safe footwear.. no scuffs, socks, slippery bottomed slippers, bare feet, or thong type sandals. Shoes with non slip soles are better. Wear them from the moment you get up until you go to sleep at night, any time you are standing upright, wear those shoes !

Install hand rails and grab rails where they can help you most, bathrooms and stairways, long hallways, etc. You might need to use a walker or other assistive devices to help yourself rise from furniture or your bed. Your toilet might need a ‘booster seat’ and/ or bars on each side to make it easier to rise after use. You might even need lift/assist chairs or other electric boosters to help you rise from prone or sitting positions. Always use the hand rails going up and down stairs. Don’t carry things that require two hands up and down the stairs. Find different ways to get those things where you want them to be. Ask somebody to help or carry less at a time. Arrange things on one level as much as possible to keep from having to make trips up and down for things such as laundry, the freezer, or to care for pets etc. And be aware of pets around your feet as you walk or go up or down steps. Even if they were sleeping in the other room a moment ago, they will likely follow you closely if you move. ( you know that!)

Make sure you hide cords from lamps and other electrical devices so that they are not trip hazards. Make sure your pathways are lighted completely, no walking around in the dark! Use night lights everywhere you can. Make sure the pathway to the light switches in each room are clear. You might even use glow-in-the dark paint to make the switches easier to locate in the dark.

If you are aware that you are losing muscle tone or getting weaker, you might be able to get therapy or be prescribed particular exercises to do which will improve strength, balance, flexibility and grasp.

If you think this doesn’t apply to you right now, realize that it surely will apply as you get older. Think ahead about what you can do to ease the risks of injury or death because of falls, then please take action.

SELF DIAGNOSIS

is valid. Here’s why”

I am tempted to simply write bullet points by number here, but there is too much in the details that might not be seen in just an “overview”. Typical of an autistic person, it is not just the ‘general idea’ but the details upholding that idea that are the meat and potato of the sweeping statement given by that bullet/number.

Our information base about autism is growing. Medicine and Science uncover new details and specifics about how autism works, how it functions, how people adapt and overcome its effects, and so much of that information is not found in the texts and school class lessons being given to the future doctors, nurses, analysts, supporting staff about autism. Autism even for neurologists and psychologists is only a couple paragraphs or at most a “chapter” presentation at school out of hundreds and hundreds of hours preparing those who will diagnose and serve the coming autistic generations.

Those who practice medicine, neurology, psychology, social work, and other supportive specialties are taught about autism from the perspective of an 8 year old child, what their behavior is likely to be, what the child’s perceptions are likely to be, and what the identifying factors to spot an autistic child in a classroom or your own examination table is likely to look like. Unfortunately for most of us, this autism symptoms/diagnostic model is based on a 5 year old male.

Those of us who are older will have gained many coping mechanisms and adapted behaviors due to pressures from families, friends, teachers, classmates, co workers, etc. As autistic people age they become less and less like that innocent little 8 year old.

Yet in the forums I attend online I see posts every day about misdiagnosis, autistic women and men being told that they speak and are eloquent, they make eye contact, they don’t walk on tiptoe, make odd intermittent noises, bounce or spin, nope, not autistic. Oh, you have a family or hold a job? You can’t possibly be autistic! You have social struggles and recognize that you are bullied and ostracised, you can not be autistic because autistic people don’t know they are being bullied. Doctors then say” It must be YOU and your bad behavior. YOU need counseling urgently to change your ways.” End result of this ignorance of autism: You are diagnosed as being bipolar, ADHD, Schizoid, Borderline, hysterical, anti social, passive aggressive, or more than one of those false diagnosis instead of as autistic. NOTE this does not mean that one can not also have diagnosis of one or more other conditions to struggle with. If you have been treated for any of these conditions over long periods of time with little or no success, consider the possibility that you may have autism instead.

This is more common than rare because so little has been known about autism and those attempting diagnosis have a fixed idea taught from their own youth in school maybe 15 to 30 years ago about what autism “is” and how it shows itself for diagnosis.
Most of those diagnosing people have never bothered to update their understanding of autism using todays information.

Using USA census statistics, from the Population Reference Bureau in Washington DC I have calculated that there are over 1,046,936 autistic people in the USA over age 65. Only half the baby boomers are now over 65, with the whole generation reaching over 65 in age by the year 2030. Population to support this group as it ages is shrinking and predicted that only 2 adults per senior citizen will be there for support of all kinds. This will mean shortages of workers for every field. Less support for medicine and research, less support for health care, less support for all the other things we rely on, who will grow the groceries, work in manufacturing, teach, run stores of all sorts considered service industries. Dynamics are changing quickly but we may not see this. Of the over a million autistic adults in the USA, how many will get recognized as autistic, get accommodations, get the help they need to succeed as they age? It is so important that the people in medical college in this and coming generations learn how to recognize and diagnose autism in senior citizens and even younger fully grown adults. There is a huge need for autism specialists of all kinds, and more will be needed by 2030. If you know somebody who is thinking about specializing, there is no greater need at the moment than for diagnosis and support of the autistic community.

Because actual professional diagnosis by professionals in practice today is so under prepared, under educated, and under experienced with autism, many must turn to the autistic community, to computer studies online, books by specialists in autism, and other resources to get good current information regarding autism, and especially how autism presents itself and acts in older adults. There is no shame in being self diagnosed. Frequently there are no other resources available due to the few diagnosing services available for the adult community. Most on line groups recognize this struggle as valid and are very supportive of those who find professional resources outside of their reach due to financial , location, and availablility considerations. Things may differ in other countries. I read reports from individuals about how it can be in other countries but have no personal knowledge of this information.
So, How do we set about self diagnosis? It can be done multiple ways.

You can take online tests and tests that have been developed in specialists books. You can join autistic forums and ask questions. There is probably a higher level of ready insights, actual experience, and information available on these forums with large numbers of members. The combined wisdom and experience and the empathetic treatment of those new to the idea of being autistic are powerful to experience, see, hear….

In earlier blogs I have worked through the Diagnostic Manual used for diagnosis of autism today and discussed what they are looking for in each section. Later I worked up a list of things we can examine in our own lives that might point to being autistic. If you have come so far as to reading blogs about diagnosis of autism in old folks, you probably already have a strong idea that you might be autistic. We are on the very edge of a dawning of the real way autism works in our lives, the nature of the autistic experience, how varied the ways autism presents itself. I hope for a better future for all of us who have remained undiagnosed, misunderstanding, self hating, struggling in so many ways when knowing your own diagnosis of autism will help find new ways of seeing, doing, and managing so many of the troubles that are now upon us. Lets see what we can do to speed the process along.

Newly Diagnosed

What next?

I was 66 years old when I finally figured out that I am autistic. I had never suspected, never really thought much about autism, except in the way one reads about autism in superficial special human interest publicity pieces .
I had a few general ideas about autism because a dear family friend had a child diagnosed with Asperger’s while our children were growing up in each other’s houses as friends do. I just never saw parallels in the child’s behavior to mine, perhaps because he was a child.
His father is on the spectrum although nobody knew that at the time. Maybe not so coincidentally I found that of all the people I knew, the communication between him and me was perhaps the easiest and most natural I had experienced.

The last job I worked before retirement was as a caretaker in a State run home for children, and most of the kids were autistic. I never recognized myself in them.
I knew I had social struggles, I was bullied at every job I ever had, including the last one mentioned here. But I never associated one problem with the autistic struggles others were having.

I had too much to do in every day life, making sure my home, family, pets and gardens were all taken care of and trying to meet the requirements of working as well.
Every day there were multiple ‘fires’ to put out, crisis after crisis. I was always stressed, anxious, exhausted. Who had time for self examination and introspection?
It was not until after I retired that I began to suspect I had autism. Somebody sent me one of those on line self tests and the results suggested I was autistic, and that I should explore the possibility. It got me curious. No, could that be true?

I had the free time after retirement which had eluded me all my working life, and I jumped into research about autism. After a year of reading studies, autism descriptions, statistics, opinions, and doing every self test available on the internet, and buying a few books with autism basics (and one self test of great depth). I decided that I am indeed autistic. I am fortunate enough to have all the free time that retirement gives you for searching and introspection. If you are working you will have much less time to devote to your search and it may take much longer to work through the idea of being autistic.

The blog tells the rest of my story, right down to my finally being “officially”diagnosed about 3 months ago.

For so many of us diagnosed either by self exploration or “official” means, finally knowing about our autism is a huge shock. The idea we might be autistic means that everything in our thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors may change. Scary stuff indeed!
We autistic folk tend to be somewhat rigid in thinking and may not explore again issues that we think we understand. People tend to be less flexible in general as we age. My son says I am ‘willful’. Stubborn old men and women decorate pages of history and legend. It is a stereotype which probably as a basis in some truth.
We may have known life was difficult for us, but unknowingly believed that everybody else had struggles like ours, and in my case I thought a lot of the struggles I had were somehow my fault because so many failed interactions ended up with others telling me I was to blame. I felt inept, ashamed, unlovable, rejected, and I was always anxious worrying about what I might do to make somebody else mad without knowing why or how it happened.

I Was absolutely shocked when I finally recognized that due to my autism I had very few skills and tools to use which others rely on to succeed in life.
But it was not my fault. I had something different in my neurology which did not allow me to see the world or anything that happened in my life the way most people would see and understand it. No wonder my world was filled with pain, failure, rejection and abuse! Nobody knew! What a relief to finally understand why.

The overwhelming relief that came with this revelation has not faded. I am so grateful to know I am autistic because it explains so much about my past and my painful life.

After diagnosis people tend to feel relief, but they also can feel dismay, anger, sadness for what might have been, and a whole lot of mixed emotions come up and need to be dealt with.
This seems to be a common experience among the newly diagnosed older folks. It is as though the experiences of our life until this point finally make sense, and so many of our beliefs about ourselves and others are shifted, sifted, sorted, and at long last understood from a different point of view. Knowing about our autism shakes us to the core and we must re-build all of our ideas to incorporate our new understanding into the way we see our past, our present, and our future.
Since we are older, we have a lot more sorting and shuffling and examining of old issues to deal with. We have so much more experience! This is naturally going to take time and a lot of emotional homework!
It seems to be common to feel confused, angry, sad, upset, and more, sometimes all at once as we work through our past experiences and beliefs and find ways to fit it all together from an autistic point of view. You will probably grieve for the poor little kid who was so misunderstand and often abused. Nobody knew! You will probably be angry at the bullies, tormenters, punishers and mockers in your past life. Nobody knew. You may grow in understanding about how autism had its part in these misunderstandings. Take your time and sort through it all. It is safe now to look back and to begin to find out how most things that happened to you had a connection to autism.
Give yourself time. I am learning every day all of the ways that my autism affected my life, and the ways it still works in my every day experiences. I am in my 3rd year of understanding, with many things yet to deal with. With new understanding comes peace and learning new ways to do things, to take care of my once lost self and to forgive myself for not knowing it was autism. I can forgive the others who didn’t understand too, for the most part. That brings peace instead of anger and pain. Understanding calms many fears and has begun to give me relief from much of the anxiety and despair and depression of the days pre- diagnosis. Things do seem to get better for most of us once we understand about autism. Our struggles are the same but our new understanding gives us tools we didn’t know we had to help us cope and find new ways to live.
I have felt upset and unsettled for days as I worked through certain memories, experiences, and feelings from the past. That’s OK, there is a lot to work through, isn’t there?
The nice thing is that things that had bothered me from the past, which I had taken out of my memories and re-worked over and over for years re-living the pains and trying to understand: these have mostly gone away and are now quiet in my mind and soul, once I saw how autism had a part in that particular incident.
I say this after 3 years of reading, study, and self analysis. It has taken lots of time.
I am only now becoming comfortable with the idea that I am autistic and understanding how much it has always affected my life. I am sure I will continue to learn more for years.

Learning how I struggled, what skills and weaknesses I had within my neurology has helped tremendously. One of the great hallmarks of autism is uneven neurological development. Do you know which sensory input you find most effective and which are your weakest skills?
I learned that I have very little capability to understand visual input. Movies, demonstrations, videos, and the like leave me with very little. I can’t process visual things. Can you? Many autistic people find that visual processing and visualization are among their strongest abilities. Those people use Movies, TV, videos, and demonstrations easily and benefit strongly from using them.
I read and can look at diagrams, charts, and maps. Can you?
Others are sound oriented and must listen and relate to things through their hearing.
I am very bad at processing the spoken word, but I enjoy instrumental music greatly and try to make that part of my every day life. Spoken word processing in me is almost nil, but in many people it is the strongest skill. These folks rely on audio books, Radio podcasts, lectures, and other spoken media as the best way to connect with their world.
These are just a few examples of possibilities for strengths and weaknesses. If you have never given much thought about how you connect with your world, I believe you will find it helpful to explore your own strengths and weaknesses so that you can help yourself succeed.

Self accommodation for your strengths and weaknesses will be evident. Once you recognize your need for quiet for self calming, your need for stimulation through exercise or sports or dance, your need for certain kinds of music, or how much it helps you to wear sunglasses in places where you will be exposed to bright or flashing/sparkling lights, etc, you can see how this self knowledge helps us make adjustments to our every day living arrangements, travel arrangements, etc. Autistic forums are full of insights and helpful suggestions for new ways to deal with autistic processing struggles.

Sorting out communication struggles is more difficult because we have learned so many ways to cope with our struggles, developed such ingrained patterns of behavior and responses.
I think it would be great if all of us as newly diagnosed autistic people could get a life coach or therapist who could help us figure out new ways to deal with our new self understanding and all of the mixed and hidden emotions and behaviors we learned to protect ourselves and to cope with our confusing and painful world.

Overcoming years and years of ideas that might now be changing due to understanding oneself and one’s autism will take time and patience.
Most of all, forgive yourself and take care of yourself. You may have learned from others that you are useless, worthless, stupid, etc as a child and lived a life believing what others told you. Knowing about your autism should put all of that to rest. It took years of adapting and adjusting to survive, it may take a good bit of time to undo all those ideas from long ago and a to put them in perspective using autism as the light which allows you to see your story more clearly now.

I joined a couple of on line forums for autistic people and spent a lot of time asking questions and getting great information. There are years of experience and insight in these forums, and it is all available at home right there on your computer. It took me several tries to find groups which were compatible. Many groups are made up of parents or young people, who tend to have different issues and struggles and different ways of communicating. Don’t be discouraged, there are autism forums out there of every sort, something for everyone. Keep trying until you find a group you are comfortable with!


I got therapy long before I knew about my autism to teach me better and healthier communication patterns and to help me make better and healthier decisions. What is obvious to many people who are neurotypical (NT) ( average not autistic persons) often needs to be explained to autistic persons. Getting therapy was scary but it was the best thing I ever did… It probably saved my life and sanity. I did not know I had options to choose in my behavior because my autistic inflexibility did not let me see it. I had to be taught. I urge you to find somebody to help you understand your options if you feel at a dead end or like you can’t go on. We may have many healthy alternatives that are hidden behind autism and the way it works in our minds.

Keep in mind that you are not alone! There are over a million undiagnosed autistic adults over age 65 in the USA alone. More of us are learning of our autism and gaining strength and insights every day. I hope we can reach others who are still lost in the older generations, I feel hopeful, knowing how much diagnosis has meant to me.