Positive Thinking

“gratitude is an attitude”

Of course the impending holiday of Thanksgiving inspired this! As a child with trauma and anxiety, I learned to watch and be vigilant for anything that could be scary, dangerous, possible trouble impending, etc.
The term for this is “hypervigilant”, if you want to look it up.
I also had so many negative experiences with misunderstandings and punishments, bullying, etc that I became wary of others and mistrusted everybody’s motives nearly all the time.
The term for this condition is “rejection sensitive dysphoria”.
You watch everything and suspect everybody’s motives, worry that any interaction is going to be either emotionally painful, a trap to foil you and embarrass you, or to be used to cause distress or discomfort.

I had an overwhelmingly negative attitude, and overwhelmingly sad and distorted view of my world, and an overwhelming expectation of no good to come my way.

In therapy at the age of 30, the therapist pointed out that I had developed a “negative attitude” and that it was not normal or healthy, and it was unnecessary to my life.

I had to be taught to look for positive things. I learned to look for positives in any and every situation.
The best I could find for a lot of my experiences was that they taught me “what not to do”.

Thinking negatively was a ‘self defense” habit that I had developed because I had no other skills or “tools” to use to comfort and protect myself as a child.
I had to learn how to be positive, how to be healthily self assertive in a positive and open manner. I had to be taught that I had a choice in almost everything in life. I could choose the way I responded to others, to events, to random things that happened in my life. I could change my attitude! I struggled hard with this idea for quite a while and “disbelieved” it for the most part, even as I attempted to perform exercises assigned to me around positive thinking. It was a really hard concept to grasp and put into practice. Habits of any sort are notoriously difficult to break.

It has been a huge learning curve, but I can say at the age of 72, I have been able to develop a positive outlook on life and I face each day with a less fearful and anxious attitude. Life has become better. I see the goodness in it now. Even if I have to look very very hard to find the positive in some situations or circumstances beyond my control.

How to do it? Each time you catch yourself in a negative thought, (and you will have plenty of opportunities to do that!) try to look at whatever is happening at the moment that makes you think badly about it.

Turn it around and look for something positive instead.

Instead of “I have to do grocery shopping, I hate the crowds, I hate the noise, it is going to be so difficult to get there, I hate to put away the groceries” ,
Try looking at it from positive angles.
You are able to shop for yourself, you are able to buy groceries and get what you need, you have the means to get there and the ability to do the things you need to do to get good food and bring it home.
Your cupboards will be full, you will have what you need to be healthy and strong and independent.
Some people must fight for each of those things. OK, maybe you are one of them. Even those struggles can be put into perspective, alternatives can be found, things can be done and steps can be taken to help.

Looking for alternative viewpoints in any situation can be helpful in having a healthier life, building better foundations to live in a healthy and positive way, having better mental health and finding ways to enjoy life instead of fearing it.

If you have overwhelmingly negative friends, family members, or input such as news, whether newspapers, tv, radio, internet showing life full of tragedies, sorrow, pain, suffering, it does no good to fill yourself with these things.
They are beyond your control. But you can control your exposure to them and the time you allow them to occupy your mind!
The skill of separating those things in life that you can’t control from those you can, and deciding to react in a positive way instead of a negative way can be very helpful to living a better and more balanced life.

If it distresses you and you have no control over it, put it on a shelf mentally or lock the metaphorical door on allowing it into your life and dwelling on the pain, the distress, the sorrow.

It is somebody else’s struggle and there are others “out there” working on it, trying to help it, doing something from their own ability to have control over it. You can rest and you don’t have to solve the problem, you are not responsible, others in power to help those issues are working on it!

You can choose to focus on things closer to home that you can control for yourself.

It is OK to have moments of peace or joy when others in the world are suffering, it is OK to make time for yourself to heal and to find comfort and a quiet refuge among the horror that is brought into our homes every day via media we can control.

We can say no to habitual pain, discomfort, distress, anxiety by controlling our own behavior and attitudes and our environments, the input we choose to allow into our lives every day.
Yes, that is OK.

Choose to find peace and positivity where you can and to practice self examination and learn the skills of positive thinking.

Gratitude is an attitude, it is a habit that can be developed.
You can do what is in your power to help , then let others take care of it, find the patch of sunshine, look at the beautiful scenery, read a book , enjoy a painting, listen to music, you are aware there is suffering and pain in the world. Do what you can, (maybe donate to a cause or share information ) and look for something positive in your life. Focus on finding peace and looking for good in the little things that surround us all.
I have so much to be Thankful for. Have a wonderful, peaceful and grateful Thanksgiving.