Autism anniversary

happy autistic anniversary to me

Five years ago, on Sept 30, 2019 I got my autism diagnosis, just 3 days short of my 68th birthday.
What a whirlwind of emotions!

Relief, validation, shock when I began to realize and recognize how impaired my day to day functioning actually was. I re-lived so many instances of painful struggles and saw with a fresh perspective how hard I had tried and how much anger, hurt, punishment, constant criticism and focus on my repeated failures over the years had deformed my life and my self image. I am a true survivor!

It was good to know that all those years of shame and blame for failing to live up to other’s expectations were not actually “all my fault” but autism had been working behind the scenes without anybody knowing. My different neurology made life much more difficult without my understanding how or why.

I have spent the last 5 years (and several years before that) trying to learn as much about autism as I can and sharing it here and on my Facebook information page (Autism for Older Adults)

Today I have mostly worked through issues of the past and found self-forgiveness, forgiveness of others, and a lot of peace and healing.

I have been able to make many adjustments to the way I do things in daily living and set limits on things I do that cause me struggles. I still do things to please others but I choose how and when and who I try to please and appease. (see fight, flight, freeze and fawn (appeasement) as responses to trauma)

Formal neuro psych assessment and subsequent diagnosis summary reports have helped me see my worst weaknesses and my best strengths and I have been able to use those insights to adjust daily life (self accommodations) for ease and comfort without needless struggles.

I can tell you from this side of diagnosis that things do eventually settle down and that we can find new ways to live life that bring less distress and a better feeling of safety and competence, a new self confidence. I have found peace and a sense of safety I had never experienced before.


Of all the remarks about my autism diagnosis from friends, etc., I have mostly got comments about my new self confidence. I am not as afraid, I am not as confused, I am not as distressed and emotionally exhausted.

For those who are seeking diagnosis or recently diagnosed, please do your best self care as you begin to sort the past and present from this new perspective. It is like culture shock, and everything we thought we knew, understood, believed about our world, ourselves, our past and our experiences is thrown into new understanding. The older we are at diagnosis, the more we have to sort!
I believe that today I have the best life, the best self understanding, the best perspective, the best tools to use to go forward to my (limited by my age) future. What a wonderful thing it has been to get diagnosis and finally find out what most individuals understand between the ages of 10 and 19. I had no idea!

The past 5 years has been filled with healing and improvements to everyday life. There have been so many “aha” moments as a new insight suddenly clicked and I was once again able to see how autism had been working in my life all these years.

I hope you find what you need to obtain diagnosis or confirm self identity as autistic.
I hope you will do the difficult emotional homework and look for new ways to adjust your new-to-you life as an autistic individual.
For me, diagnosis has been life changing and all for the better.

You are not alone. So many of us have struggled for years before we learned of our autism. There are others “out there” who understand. What a relief!