How things change overnight!
Yesterday I woke up depressed, it had been weeks since we got the phone call from the kind doctor who had begun my diagnosis here in this state, but had become so sick that the work was discontinued.
I have been full of anxiety and hope, dropping to despair as it became evident from his website stating that he has retired in July, and from the formal notice from his lawyer just before he phoned us, that he was not working any more.
The final appointment would not happen.
His ( Dr) lack of calling us back after a phone call to his office as he had directed, plus an email 2 weeks later had no responses.
I was sure this was a case of the good Dr’s health interfering and perhaps he might have more “want to” than “can do”.
Yesterday morning I gave in to the blues and felt sorry for myself and discouraged, determined to look only toward the July 2020 appointment already on my calendar with the Illinois Dr who is a well known author and who I am sure understands autism in adults/elders.
Yesterday while I was out of the house running errands the kind doctor called again.
My husband set up an appointment with him for the end of this month Sept 2019.
I am in shock. Afraid to feel hope or relief. I don’t handle sudden transitions that well, even if they are positive.
Dr said he has good days and bad days but wants to go ahead and finish this diagnosis as his health allows. We are to call or he will call a few days before the appointment this time to confirm that he is well enough to proceed. So many emotions whirling around inside me, so many seeds of hope afraid to sprout, so many doubts that this will finally actually happen, so many worries about “what if he tells me I am not autistic”???
and so on.
Sudden changes and arrangements needed! Let alone the arrangements needed to get downstate, hotel reservations, dog boarding, etc. Thank goodness I have my very supportive spouse to lean on. The days are going to drag now until appointment time and I will have a difficult time concentrating on much at all until I finally know.
I am hoping I can get rid of the diagnosis labels the first neurologist gave me , and not be saddled with those throughout the end of my life. I can see where I might end up being drugged and worse if I am ever hospitalized or must have nursing home care. One look at that chart!!!! Saddest of all is that so many older autistic people with struggles are misdiagnosed every day and some spend the rest of their days in conditions such as I just described. Younger autistic women are frequently misdiagnosed as Borderline or Bipolar and treated with psychotropic meds which do little or do damage to them in countless ways.
I am working hard on a series of descriptions and questions to help identify older adults with autism. I have spent countless hours on the internet looking at studies, at current test forms, at the DSM V , and many more hours reading blogs and interacting on a few forums /online internet groups.
I have asked a couple of these groups to collaborate with me and give input.
Each group has over a thousand members and I have gained much good insight and feedback.
The final description of adult autistic recognition and questions to ask to help understand if one is autistic, will be posted here as soon as it is finished.
The reason I do this is because so many of the diagnostic criteria and the tests and forms available to diagnosing medical entities today are aimed at diagnosing children.
Very few autistic adults present now as they did at age 4, 9, or 12, or even 25.
We learn to adapt, we exchange innocent stims for hidden ones or more socially acceptable behaviors. We adjust ourselves in many ways to try to fit into the world, masking skills probably increase for many of us as we age, but the underlying neurology remains the same and our struggles are real and often overwhelming.
A look “below the surface” can tell the story we have worked so hard to hide.
Knowing I am autistic has changed my life in countless ways, all for the better. I hope presenting these traits and questions will be useful to somebody as a help in finding undiagnosed autism in the elderly.
My own official diagnosis is pending. I hope I can help others find peace in knowing that autism was behind so many of the struggles and the pain of the earlier years in life.