happy birthday to this blog
I started writing here almost 5 years ago January 2019, in order to share details about the struggles an older adult goes through to obtain diagnosis of autism here in the USA, and to explain the need for such diagnosis even in those of us who are elderly. I hoped to attempt to share all the things I was learning about the nature of autism for those who had gone through their lives into old age without ever knowing they were autistic.
The story begins on the last pages of this blog with my first entries, so to find things that happened in my adventure, you must scroll to the bottom of the page and read backwards. Had I been more tech savvy, the blog may have been easier to use
. Old dogs may be able to learn tricks but sometimes we are slower at it, especially if we have sensory processing disorder and are autistic (this dog, me).
What a huge difference knowing about my autism and how it has worked in me all my life has made! I have such better self understanding, and am learning that it is OK to be me, OK to feel emotions, OK to be different and even to enjoy that aspect of myself.
I have learned I do not have to “fit in” or force myself to live up to other people’s expectations, to say NO to their demands, and It is not my job to “make other people happy”.
At 4 full years and a few weeks now, from official diagnosis, my life has changed almost completely.
My self understanding has changed, my ability to recognize and deal with my emotions is growing, my understanding of my very long history of misunderstandings and pain in growing up, going to school, leaving home and living an adult life, working, parenting, being in a healthy relationship all have changed! It has been a huge relief to learn about my autism and how it worked hidden all those years in so many harmful and hurtful ways. My past finally makes sense!
I have the answer to so many “whys” of my life history.
I can make a better life for myself now, with better self understanding and this new perspective.
Today autism is understood to be not behavioral, but neurological. Behaviors of autistic individuals are due to struggles with sensory processing.
Autism itself presents as uneven development of an individuals’ neurology.
We are born with autism, we die with it. There is no diet, no pill, no treatment, no supplements or special therapies that can cure it . Autism is “for life”
Knowing we are autistic helps us make sense of “what happened”, helps us know our personal strengths and weaknesses and especially important, how best to self accommodate for our own unique “brand” of autism.
When we understand our past and know our own selves well enough to understand how our autism works in us, then we have the opportunity to change our lives in our surroundings, our activities, our schedules, our health care and diet, our own struggles and how to support ourselves through the worst of them.
Diagnosis, whether self discovered or diagnosed professionally, can help in so many ways.
Diagnosis gives us a new and completely different perspective on absolutely everything we thought we knew or believed in our long and painful lives. Self understanding is so important!
There are well over 225 blog entries here, all about discovering autism, the nature of autism itself, and adjusting to diagnosis late in life.
If there are questions about those topics that you’d like to see discussed, please drop me a line.
I hope you find what you need, right here, to explain some of the painful “whys” of past life, to suggest some adjustments you can make to make life better, and to help understand your own kind of autism.
Have a happy and healthy new year, may all your dreams come true.
Tag: autism blog
Assumed incompetence
patronized in a whole new way …
Now to report on something that has changed in my life experience. For several years now, with my graying hair and evident age I have been “patted on the head” metaphorically, being called “honey”, “sweetie”, “dear” and other endearments by complete strangers, usually younger women. It makes me want to bite somebody, just to show I am maybe not such a “sweetie” after all. Of course there is a world of thoughts and ideas, fantasies and speculation, and another world that often doesn’t intersect in what one would actually do. Fantasy can be a comfort some time. I have adjusted to the endearments and tend to simply ignore them. It is just proof that they don’t know me very well… right? Are they attempting to show good will and friendliness? hmmmm.
But I have noticed something new since I have discovered I am autistic. I am open about my autism and make light off and on of some of my struggles. I have this blog, which I share with the public in hope of helping others who are not yet diagnosed to find the peace of understanding themselves and others in knowing how autism affected them in youth and in their daily living. I willingly answer any questions I get from others when they learn I am autistic. One way to overcome stigma is to educate others.
On learning I am autistic, there are some folks who seem to immediately assume I am therefore incompetent to make decisions, to perform certain functions, to have any sort of judgement or understanding of things in this world which I have long been familiar with.
I am so old that my high school class just celebrated its 50th anniversary of graduation. There have been reunions before, and I have not participated.
Most of my memories of high school are of being mocked, bullied, socially isolated, and other non- successful social interactions.
I really had no desire to revisit those memories or to interact with those individuals who inflicted them.
When the announcement was made of the 50th anniversary celebration, there was also a form forwarded to fill out, asking class members to share what life has brought them in the past 50 years and to keep others informed.
I had filled out these forms before for the 10th, 25th anniversary etc. .
This time instead of the usual progress report, I asked that the link to my blog be included.
The reaction was interesting. ” Oh my what a blog, how brave of you to share your struggles, I am so proud of you.” This from somebody who I never had any interactions with at school and have no personal relationship with at all!
Then the question, not once but twice. “are you sure you want to do this?”
Implied was the idea that I would be ashamed to share this information about my autism with my former classmates, or that somehow I would damage myself or my personal image among my peers. It would be made public! Oh NO!
Yes, I assured them that I did indeed intend for my public blog to be publicly shared with all of the persons on the classmates list. I want as many people to be aware of un-diagnosed autism in the older generations as possible. I see this as an opportunity to share the benefits of diagnosis. Knowing I am autistic has been healing in a way that no other event of my life has come close to.
I am getting metaphorical and verbal ” pats on the head” and “aren’t you special” treatment now from others I am interacting with. I tend to just leave these comments alone, too, and attribute their reactions simply to attempts to be kind and to their ignorance of autism in general.
It is interesting that even though I was a social pariah in many ways before I learned I am autistic, I was not automatically treated as though I was also incompetent in general. This assumption of stupidity or lack of judgement does not sit well with me, it is a new experience and tends to make me feel crabby when it happens. So far I see it as well meaning ignorance. Perhaps that is better than the active hostility and aggression I experienced throughout most of my life.
The label of being autistic seems to have changed people’s perceptions and added an automatic layer of disdain or contempt for my ability to think. Yes, stigma!
Just shows there is need for not only autism awareness and education as to what autism actually ‘is’ in its many forms, but also need for acceptance. Hoping to open and win minds one person at a time.
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Tomorrow I will be asking my GP for a referral to another autism specialist. Anxiety building. Subject /topic for a new blog page soon.
OldLady With Autism 