Autism diagnosis Its OK

Its OK if others don’t believe in your diagnosis or accept it.


So, today let’s say I finally figured out “what is wrong with me”…….. I suddenly understood that I had different neurology, either through a sudden insight, long study, or professional diagnosis. I am autistic. I have always been autistic. It explains so many struggles of my past. I can suddenly understand a lifetime of “whys” by seeing how Autism had its workings behind the scenes and nobody knew! I am excited!


It is such a relief to finally understand that I am not wrong, or bad or morally weak or deliberately evil. My neurology has impaired my understanding in social situations, given me a tendency to misunderstand and miscommunicate, I may have other struggles, such as time management or organization skills that are not what have been expected of me. It is not my fault! My neurology has been to blame for my lifetime of struggles where others seem to thrive. What a relief!


I rush right off and tell my best friend, my family, my co workers and instead of being excited and happy for me, they scoff, saying “no you’re not”, “you can’t be autistic “because (a thousand reasons such as you don’t look or act autistic etc).

Oh, that was unexpected.

My mother does not believe I am autistic, says she would have known. My sister says I am trying to get attention for myself, my co workers say I am trying to escape my responsibilities and making excuses for lack of performance. Now suddenly I am devastated. They don’t accept my diagnosis, they don’t believe me! They think I am making it up, thinking I am doing this to cause trouble. Now what? How do I make them understand and accept my diagnosis???


Answer: I can’t, and I won’t even try.
Its OK for them to think whatever they want to think about my diagnosis.
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This experience is quite common among the most recently diagnosed individuals who want to share the exciting information they have just received.

I am here to tell you its OK if they scoff, if they misunderstand, if they disbelieve. Ignorance and stigma run deep. Its OK if they want to believe differently. You don’t have to explain, ask permission, educate, justify, or apologize.
The experience of becoming diagnosed may not change the way they think about you or the way they interact with you, or the way they expect you to behave, believe, think, perform, etc. . you may get acceptance and support but don’t expect that! Many people will want to cling to the old ways of interacting, their own beliefs and feelings of guilt, shame, misunderstanding may impede a healthy exchange of information. Its OK if they struggle with adjusting to or accepting your diagnosis too.

Diagnosis will mean a world of difference to you but to them, not much will change and they will mostly be unwilling to change to help make your life easier and better. That is human nature. Change can be scary for anybody.

They may even make remarks saying things were better, easier, happier, etc. before your diagnosis.

Well, for them maybe that is true, but their opinion is their business.

It is not our job to change ourselves or our own self understanding or our ways of self support and accommodation to suit their opinions.

Its OK if they don’t accept adjustments you make to your schedules and activities to remove the things that distress you the most, make you sick with anxiety, cause overwhelm and overload, or that are simply something that you have only been doing to please another person.


It is OK to give yourself your best self care, to dress the way that is comfortable for you, to use stims for self comfort, to choose something else besides the demands and expectations others have for what they want of you at any time.

Its OK to have your own agenda, your own enjoyment, your own independent life, free of their opinions and their pressure to conform to their demands, their anger, their manipulation, abuse, shame and blame.

Knowing about our autism sets us free to see ourselves not as losers, broken and incompetent, aggravating, infuriating, impediments to other’s lives, etc. After what may have been a lifetime of failed expectations of others we can finally be free to be ourselves in our own way at our own pace and in our own style.

Its OK if they accept and support your diagnosis as they see you making progress and finding life better and healthier as you learn more about your neurology and put adjustments for self accommodation into place. This may happen in many cases. Its Ok if they never do understand.

You do not have to have any other person’s approval or acceptance or permission to find self understanding and find a healthier way to live your own life.

Its OK to be who you are in the best way you can going forward as you sort it all out and make adjustments to make every day life easier and better for yourself..