The choice to make it all a fight
Something is happening that is becoming harder to ignore. I have always been a peaceful person, live and let live, agree to disagree if necessary, you go your way I go mine. I tell people I am a lover, not a fighter. The fight is being brought to my door more frequently lately, or it is being pushed on others. I see more hype and more anger and more frustration, more people being targeted for angry attacks. Maybe I am just getting old, but it all seems so destructive and not helpful.
Kind of vague and non-specific rambling so far, right? Let me try to explain. Instead of conversation about any topic, I am meeting more people in groups I participate in and host who are intent on destroying and shutting down anybody who says something they disagree with.
I am experiencing and hearing more from others who have encountered individuals who specifically go to pages and sites to post angry diatribes about how bad certain expressed ideas are, and “why don’t you do “this and this and this” instead of saying “this” .
You are harming autistics, you are damaging and hurting us, you are not supporting us if you don’t “this and this and this” (naming specific ways the host, the speaker, the selected ‘target’ of the attack is supposed to think, act, believe and to do .
I have left several groups because of this rage and focused furious attacks on members who should be allies. If one does not think exactly as the attacker, one is a pure enemy and must be destroyed. I think this is a great illustration of classic autistic “black and white thinking”
This seems to happen on all ends of the spectrum, from parents of autistic children to old people like me, to young and barely communicating individuals using forums for social purposes.
I know about trolls, those who roam the internet deliberately stirring things up and provoking confrontations for the sake of their own amusement, and sometimes in gangs, joining together and taking turns attacking or observing others do the attacks.
What is different here is that these same attacking individuals are posting about how they go about their ways, and report triumphantly that they had these confrontations with the evil parents of struggling children, the evil old person who uses the wrong words, the evil person who dares express an opinion or suggests the wrong idea or thinks differently than what they “should”. They seem to see themselves as heroes setting the world right and destroying the monsters. Too many role playing video games in their past? Who knows?
In my own mind, I have an idea how the world “should” be too. It does not include attacking or shutting people down, shouting them down, harassing or distressing them or deliberately provoking defensive arguments. Autistic people have been bullied enough in “real life”. Forums and groups need ( for some of us) safe places where we can discuss ideas and support each other in our daily struggles. Life is hard enough without finding ourselves in the midst of angry diatribes and being the focus of hatred because our thoughts are different. We already know we are different every day. We don’t need attackers within our forums as well. I wonder what places on the internet spawn such angry and self justified individuals. I wonder how so many are seemingly cheering each other on as if they were accomplishing a victory or banishing an enemy.
I believe all sides need to be presented so that others can understand what the arguments are about, can see what issues are at stake, and can learn for themselves so that decisions are not made on quick gut emotions but are also clearly thought out and decided on from actual information.
I guess it is just another facet of autistic communication struggles, this direct attack behavior thinking of oneself as a hero, but it is one that I have difficulty finding peace with.
I would rather educate and elucidate, validate and inform than spend time fighting and fleeing while trying to defend ideas and thoughts.
I am learning how to use the “block” or “ignore” button.
I wish I had the inner strength, the ability to think quickly, the emotional resources to try to help these individuals, but I begin to think it is not passionate beliefs or intense devotion to a cause that they are espousing as much as it is some sort of sport, much as when the dog discovers its first henhouse. How exciting!!!
There, I am showing my old age, but I never did pretend to be anything but an old lady with autism… or maybe you prefer I say “autistic old lady”.
I actually use either description of myself and I don’t have to pretend that part.
No answers, life keeps rolling on. Watching with interest.
The choice to make it all a fight