Self accommodation/unmasking 101


When we first discover our autism, we recognize that our different neurological wiring

has given us difficulties that neurotypical/normal/average people simply don’t have.

We discover that our responses to stimulus or any neurological input is processed differently.

Where neurotypical people seem to process information/input in similar ways, we may over or under respond or respond in surprisingly different ways to sensory input.

We may be the first to react to bright or flashing lights, cold, hot, pressure, being touched by others. Or we may not react at all.

We may find a cool breeze or steamy weather unbearable, or we may not notice if we go outdoors wearing light clothing in below freezing weather. We can be more sensitive, or less sensitive than our average counterparts. Our reactions are different because each of us will have uneven neurological development, but each of us did develop differently.

The things I do every day to make my life better, healthier, easier, less distressing or stressful may not work for any other autistic person but me.

There are lots of accommodations we can explore by trial and error for ourselves. Many adjustments require no costly adjustments or things like building construction, special equipment, furnishings, or large investment in certain brands or kinds of “training” or lessons, or therapy.

Many autistic people have the hardest time figuring out HOW they are struggling, they have tried so hard to do things to fit in, to please others, to avoid social contempt and gain acceptance.

Here are some clues that adjustments/ self accommodations are needed.

You come home from school, work, social outings, other activities completely exhausted or you frequently melt down or shut down, and must rest completely for a long time to recover your emotional and physical resources and be ready to do something/anything again. This pattern is continual and does not change as long as you keep doing the same things on your schedule.

You do an activity and find yourself breaking down due to anxiety, feeling sick, having headaches, vomiting, having meltdowns or feel on the verge of it every time you do that activity.

Certain people pressure you constantly to do things you don’t like to do because you don’t enjoy it, you do it anyways knowing how hard it will be, how upsetting, how sick-making or stressful, distressing- regardless. Or you may get sick, anxious, overwhelmed, every time you do these activities and may not realize that the activity or presence of certain individuals may be the cause of it.

When you interact with certain people you are always bullied, have meltdowns or anxiety.

When you wear clothing, shoes, makeup, special gear or uniforms to “fit in” and it causes you misery due to lack of comfort or sheer physical misery.

Going to certain places of doing certain things ends up in misery each time (and you may not even have recognized each time you got that horrible headache, for example, that you were in this certain situation or doing that certain activity.

Sensory sensitivities my also affect the way we eat, the way we clean ourselves or our surroundings, the way we do almost anything in our personal or shared lives at home and at school, at work, or in almost any situation because the others we live with, work with, play with, or interact with insist on certain ways being used, certain conditions being met or responded to only in certain ways. (this can be anything as simple as which way you put the roll of toilet paper on the dispenser to whether you sleep with windows open or closed, sleep with heavy blankets or light, with a fan on or off in the room for example).

Ways we may accommodate others or try to endure in any situation can be masking behaviors if we make ourselves miserable to keep others happy.

So many of us have been trained to be compliant and people pleasing and taught from a very young age that our opinions, thoughts, ideas, comfort and feelings of safety do not matter.
For many just finding the things we do that bring us anxiety, distress, stress, and physical misery may not be immediately evident. We have been doing these things all our lives.

Knowing our neurological strengths and weaknesses can help a lot. If you have a diagnosis summary, many times test results will show which things we are best at and which things are hardest for us. This can help us understand how to work around or re arrange things in our lives to help us do better with less stress, distress, physical illness, anxiety, fear, discomfort, etc.

So lets start with the hardest things first.
I realized early in life that having many people in motion around me was distressing. I was afraid of being touched/pushed, knocked down, falling, getting stepped on.
School was misery physically due to the necessary gathering of masses of children all being directed up and down hallways, stairways, into and out of rooms at the same time. There was plenty of pushing, shouldering aside, squeezing in between, tripping, stomping of feet, etc. It was an everyday experience I dreaded deeply. I was forced to endure it.


I have always hated going to events that naturally draw crowds, sports events, concerts, lectures, movies, shopping malls. My life became much more endurable when I stopped doing any of those things. None gave me pleasure, all gave me huge anxiety.

What is hardest for you to do each day?
Do you wear clothing that makes you miserable so you will fit in with others around you? Are there adjustments you can make for your comfort’s sake but still be within keeping of school or company dress codes, etc?


An easy one would be to lose uncomfortable high heels or pinch-toe shoes and find something that conforms to the code but doesn’t hurt when you are on your feet all day. When you start thinking about the things each day that you hate or suffer through, how many of those can have substitutes which still meet requirements, but which will be easier and better for your own comfort, productivity, and more comfortable for your ability to cope with bright or flickering lights, loud or otherwise upsetting sounds, etc.
adjusting those things and doing “something else” instead is the ultimate key to self -accommodation/unmasking . It doesn’t have to be done all at once but happens over periods of time. One day we will look back and see how much better our lives have become because we made many small adjustments over time.

If you get sick each day at work, it is likely this is not the job for you.
If you have meltdowns at work, home, or other places continually, can you recognize the thing that is triggering them? Maybe you can change your situation, location, the overstimulation or other sensory or emotional input that is overloading your system and do “something else”, “somewhere else” or in “other company” or “at another job” where meltdowns won’t happen because you will not be constantly exposed to unbearable input.

There are many everyday things we can change or do differently, swapping one activity for another, doing something else a different way which will get the job done whatever it is, in a way that is easier and less distressing for ourselves but still meets social, family, work, or other expectations in any situation. sometimes the answer is to stop doing the “thing” all together.

Can you think of “work arounds” for some of the things that are hardest for you? Can you substitute “something else” and still accomplish your intentions? If you take one thing at a time, you will find that as you move through life, your every day living will be easier, less difficult, and even more comfortable , if less “conventional”. Self care always first. If you need help discovering your worst struggles or need help thinking out new ways to self-accommodate, there are lots of books, blogs, forums, podcasts, Youtube, or other online venues available to help.


If I could do it, I think almost anybody could, but first I had to have the self-understanding that knowing my autism diagnosis brought. Without realizing that I had many struggles which others simply did not have, I was stuck trying to do things I was just not neurologically set up to do. It has been amazing to recognize my struggles and strengths and make adjustments to everyday life. Things here have never been better. Hoping this will happen for you too!