Autistic Regression in adults

Failure to perform as expected. Its not unnatural and you are not “broken”.

This is at the end of October, 2025. I am seeing more and more posts about “autistic regression” in adults.
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Once again the expectation of performance and failure to perform is being pushed as a struggle, a trial, a measure of fitting in. If you don’t perform there is a problem!
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As infants and children we are measured by our growth and developing physical abilities, weight gain, ability to sit alone, to roll over, to walk, to talk, and shortly later our ability to use the toilet, to tie one’s own shoes or to ride a bicycle, etc.
As children we are generally forced to participate in nursery school (for many) daycare ( for many) and school of one sort or another. These generally group all children together and social behaviors become more important, obedience, ability to absorb information presented in various ways, working together on projects, playing interactive games requiring cooperation and focus on a common goal, and other skills are gained at this time. Many ASD kids find much of this a struggle, along with sensory struggles. Such participation does not come easily but requires conscious effort constantly.
Kids will come home exhausted and depleted physically and emotionally because their struggles with their neurology requires more effort to perform, to fit in, to get along, to live up to expectations. Kids come home and melt down, lock up, freeze, hide, get physically sick, often when parents expect them to change gears and perform interactively with other family members or help in household chores, etc. There is not enough time to “change gears” Do you remember this from your own childhood?
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We may force ourselves to endure bright lights, loud noises, distracting activity, smells, the closeness of others, etc. because it is expected of us, but it takes a toll.

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Fast forward to most “work” environments. We still find we struggle to fit in, to tolerate many social and sensory struggles and try to perform as expected.

Once again the struggles are there to change gears from workplace overwhelm to home’s demands. We push, push, push to fit in one more thing, to accomplish one more goal, to finish one more project. Can you see how self care is lacking in this story all along?

This may take a toll in our health both mentally and physically, with kids developing emotional and physical symptoms of the distress that such programs cause. We are sick more often, we may be in trouble more often, we may miss more school or work days due to upset, illness, etc. But we did it/ do it because we were expected to perform. Most of us try so hard!
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Just because we forced ourselves to perform at these levels and tolerated such situations as those at school, office, factory, or social situations such as parties, loud get togethers in public places, does not mean we did it easily. We didn’t then and we don’t now. Our neurology has not changed. For most of us we have adapted more ways of coping.
We may not have put together that each time we went to a family function we developed headache and dizziness or vomiting and had to remove ourselves to a quiet place. We may not have associated our exhaustion or deep sadness, anxiety or easy frustration and explosions of anger as caused by our environments and the extreme amount of energy and concentration it may take for us to “perform as expected”.

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I see the idea of “autistic regression” as being yet another way that the “normal” world is measuring us and finding our performance lacking. I see this term used by many “therapists” in discussion of autism in videos, papers and articles recently. Pointing out our “regression” is showing us how we fail and finding how to make us more “normal” to “help” us fit into society’s boxes and get us to live up to the things we “used to be capable of”. WE are expected to suck it up and force ourselves to continue to try to meet expectations at any cost to ourselves.
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Many of us have forced ourselves for years to perform as expected and eventually we find we do not have the emotional or physical resources to perform “as usual”. Things may change over time to make what was once possible more difficult for us.
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Take a moment and think about how life changes.
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We age and are not as physically fit to be able to do that hard physical labor. We have changes circumstances , have moved household or moved out on our own, our support systems changed, we had children, take on pets or projects, our partners joined us or left us, our job description changed, new work partners or procedures were set in place. So many changes added but still expected to “keep performing”????
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There are a thousand reasons why we suddenly just can’t cope, can’t live up to expectations of performance in one or more areas of our lives. We have suddenly taken on one or more things “too much” and gone into overload of our neurology. We may have unhealthy ways of coping (overeating, smoking, drinking, drug use for example). WE may never have learned how to pace ourselves and how to take care of our own needs because we have been so busy trying to keep up.

We may not have learned how to balance our lives . When the cup is filled, it overflows and things don’t function as well. When you have taken on too much, you will find life is “too much” too.
We may never have got the tools we needed for healthy living, healthy communication skills, ability to say NO and negotiate with others, compromise, or self-regulate. These are things we can learn and change. But for our health and our sanity, not for the purpose of adding “one more thing and ending up with overload, meltdown, shutdown, breakdown, lockup, or loss of health and important relationships, property or self.
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“Autistic regression” is not a failure of our neurology, but yet another way for others to tell us we are failing. “you did it once, why can’t you do it now? ” , is often part of others’ complaints once we get diagnosis and self-understanding, and we begin to do self-accommodation.
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The things we force ourselves to do to please others which also cause us anxiety, distress, emotional or even physical pain, sensory struggles, are things we may need to compromise on.
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What we are dealing with when we “regress” may actually be normal adjustments that any overtaxed, overloaded, distressed, and or anxious individual would make. Slow down, lose some of the extra commitments, find new ways to do old things. We grow and we change and not all changes from something we “used to do” to something else are negative. “regression” is a sign that changes are needed, and not a sign that you must try harder. “Regressive” traits are the consequences and signs of overload, of overwhelm, of trauma and anxiety, of ageing and abilities which change naturally over time (we are not the same at 40 physically as we are at 20, not the same at 60 as we were at 40)

Don’t let somebody else measure your performance and tell you that you have regressed, rather check your lifestyle and your goals, your abilities and your health, set priorities and refuse to do things simply to please others that take a toll on your mental health, your physical condition, your stress and anxiety levels.

You are the best judge of what is right for you.

Others’ demands are first on the list when they tell you that you are “regressing”.

When you hear that phrase being applied to yourself, take a close look at your life and see how you can adjust it to avoid burnout, meltdowns, shutdowns, and lockups. “Regression” of skills used comparatively against us is a demand for performance.

Some loss of abilities and skills or performance levels as we age are inevitable.

Make sure that you are performing for your own needs, wants, expectations and desires and not striving to meet goals set by others in their own interests.

Forcing ourselves to perform simply to please others is not necessary or healthy.
Self care always first. Its a lot to sort.

Autism and maladjustment or maladaptive behavior

The way we learned to cope with life may not work for us as adults

Autism works in us, and in our worlds in many ways from the day we are born to the day we die.
we have many struggles, most not visible to any human perception, which cause us to expend more energy, try harder, fail more frequently, cause us endless frustration, exasperation, shame and self blame.
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Many of us grew up with our autism working “behind the scenes” and we as well as our family/caretakers/ teachers, peers had no idea why we perpetually failed to perform as expected. Most of us learned coping behavior of many sorts to deal with the constant negative input surrounding our “failures”.
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Self blame, shame, aggressive self defensiveness, avoidance, mimicking behavior and camouflage, hypersensitivity and reactive behavior , including substance abuse, emotional or physical abuse and violence to others.
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Many to most of us reflect adaptation of our behaviors common in trauma responses, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn/appeasement.
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We may have dysfunctional family behavior patterns going back generations and including physical abuse, drug or alcohol abuse, fights and arguments, estrangements, lack of emotional care or neglect of children, and so much more. Unhealthy patterns are for the most part learned and can be “unlearned” and replaced with new and healthier behavior.
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I have come to the conclusion that autism hidden in many families includes parents, grandparents, siblings, and cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. who may also be autistic, in older generations like mine, there may be years of “handed down” learned behavior patterns that helped families live their lives (unhealthily in most cases) and simply survive around undiagnosed autism. I bet if you think about it, you can see the unhealthy family patterns of your own experience. Nobody knew!!!!!!
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The survival techniques we learned as children in such unhealthy homes rarely work well for us when we reach adulthood. Many of us have lived long and painful lives trying to use unhealthy behaviors we learned to survive in many cases even before we could speak. We may not have any idea at all that we have choices we can make every day in the way we choose to respond to others and how we may react to others in any situation.

Here’s the good part about this heritage of unhealthy learned behavior:
We can “unlearn” it.
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I was stuck in a rigid pattern of trained response to the demands of others, and I never had a clue that I had alternatives that I could choose in how to react or respond in any situation. I had to have an outsider point it out to me. I had to have “how to do it” explained to me. I had no insights or ideas beyond those I had been taught and clung to throughout my abusive childhood to survive.
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With the help of a therapist I was able to learn healthy communication, how to set boundaries and enforce them, how to recognize when I was being used, intimidated, manipulated, abused, and how to defend myself in healthy ways by making better choices and choosing from several responses that were healthier than the learned automatic responses I had learned through trauma as a child.
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Practicing new techniques and consciously applying them was very emotionally scary at first but as I gained skill through practice, I was able to become independent, make my own healthy decisions, and defend myself from unhealthy demands by others.
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I believe if I could do it almost anybody can.
Getting therapy to learn healthy communication and decision making was the best thing I ever did for myself. Therapy saved my life and my sanity, and it was not until 40 years later that I discovered the autism that worked behind the scenes in my own growing up and family life.
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Even without your therapist knowing about your autism, you can learn and grow new skills to help you interact in healthier ways for the rest of your life. Ask your therapist to teach you healthy self assertive communication , how to set boundaries and enforce them, how to make healthier choices.

There is no shame in reaching out to learn things others can teach us, there is no shame in recognizing that we need new “tools” to live healthier every day lives, and no shame in asking for help to do that.

What we learned in the past may not be serving us as grown adults, and we have so many new and different choices in tools we can use, we might just need somebody to help us learn “how to do it”.

Hope you find what you need. Don’t be afraid to explore the possibilities!

What is behind the increase in Autism Diagnosis?

Today’s understanding of autism means more are being diagnosed.

I have been reading the news! Headlines report a huge and alarming increase in the occurrence (diagnosis) of autism. Statistics are quoted, speculation abounds, as in many other facets of experience with autism, politics swing, sway, hold court, agitate, educate, and exacerbate opinions and fears. We can see the work of the press, pharmaceutical advertising, faction groups, appearance of pop culture heroes with opinions all over the internet in articles, videos, podcasts, sub -culture groups, and videos, popular social forums and sites where many people now obtain their news.

Here is the thing. Although statistics from previous record keeping show increase of autism by leaps and bounds, record keeping and definition and understanding of the nature of autism as well as guidelines for diagnosis has changed dramatically over the years.

When Autism was first discovered, documented, and began to be an official medical/psychiatric diagnosis, it was not well understood.

Official diagnosis began around 1980. It was a huge relief to have a few explanations or definitions for so many severely impaired individuals struggling in institutions and care homes.
Autism was at first diagnosed only in people who today would be called “profoundly autistic”.

Autism is still the “new kid on the block” as far as scientific understanding goes. The very first person diagnosed officially as autistic only recently passed away.

During that time much has changed, from recognizing signs of autism to the way it is understood.

Instead of a behavioral disorder, where focus was on changing the problematic behavior of autistic individuals, we know today (through scientific research and huge gains in the tools we use to analyze and discover genetics, neurology, biology, the brain, behavior, etc. )
that autism is caused by uneven development of our neurology long before we are even born.

It is primarily genetic in nature, is not due to trauma, pollution, medications, foods, brain damage, vaccinations, or evil spirits.
Autism is not caused by exposure to things after we are born, not caused by injuries or diseases, we are born with autism and we die with it.

Other conditions may closely mimic autism and with no defining feature common to each and every autistic individual, some who have had brain inflammation, trauma, or other physical or chemical causes for their neurological struggles may end up with autism diagnosis. Science and understanding are always “works in progress”

Autism has been present in the population for generations even before it was named. In my own family, it seems autism has been present since at least 1859 when my great- great- grandmother was born. She spent the last 15 years of her life in an institution and there are letters and other papers to document her unusual behavior and “strangeness”.

In literature and philosophy and general social culture, autistic people were ‘fools,” “idiots”, “simpletons”, often even then classified by lowest possible social standing.
In the 1980s it was believed that autistic individuals had no empathy, would never marry, would have no friends or relationships, never hold a job, and must be trained like animals to function at all.
( read a complete history of autism including the changing theories and definitions of autism as science and medicine has advanced – I have written articles on autism history near the beginning of this blog if you want a compact version)

Today we know people like me can be autistic, too. I am married, have a family, read and write and have been gainfully employed. The understanding of autism and the parameters which define it have undergone a massive evolution. Statistics available tell so little of the actual story of Autism and are grossly misleading when cited and quoted without context, definitions, or explanations.

People speculate that some of the most brilliant individuals in history may also have been autistic, but that “branch” of Autism was not understood “back when”.
My mother (born in 1929) was called a “simpleton” by her parents and siblings. When I got my own autism diagnosis at age 68, long after she had passed away, it was easy to recognize that my mother and probably her mother too, were autistic, as was the before mentioned great great grandmother.

In each generation of that family line, there were suicides of young women up to age 30 and of men 50 and over for as far as I can trace that family line ( late 1700s).
I suspect this also shows autism runs in this family line, although when those people lived nobody knew about autism. Suicide rates are up to 8x higher in the autistic population as compared to the general population.

Today there is still no defining single test to determine diagnosis of Autism. Science is still avidly looking for one! Nobody can say “for sure” an individual is autistic through dna, blood, or other tests, and there is no physical “look of autism” to give clues.

The only thing every single autistic person has in common is that their uneven neurological development is discernable and definable in many ways. What neurological struggles we have are different for each of us depending on how our neurology “develops” before we are born.
Descriptions used to diagnose autism today are extremely different from the descriptions used in the 1980s.

Today’s media or other people examine the medical statistics which quote the huge rise in numbers of the diagnosis of autism, but there is little understanding that it is because autism is being recognized more frequently, the parameters used for diagnosis have been widened, narrowed, redefined by science repeatedly. This is bound to continue as understanding continues to grow.

It is not because the actual frequency of autism has increased.

Society, science, and medicine are forming new understanding of autism and the statistics are reflecting this.

Keep an open mind and remember that what makes good headlines and sells news is shock, fear, anxiety, scare and horror. Who benefits by this sort of reporting of statistics with no actual understanding of autism, its history, or its changing definitions? Follow the money.

“Autism for profit” is a big deal these days, watch what you use as your source of information, find more than one source if at all possible, look for the motives, the movement of money, the politics, and explore the science and the history of what is reported with such shock and fear headlines to find the “real story” behind them.

Autism in a Box

Mistaken thinking, ideas and concepts about Autism

From the first discovery and attempts to define autism, its origins, and its struggles, there has been a natural human tendency to assign traits to all of those who are autistic.
“autistic people don’t look you in the eye”
“autistic people think in pictures”
“autistic people have no empathy”
“autistic people are ” “
“autistic people do ” ”

There are attempts to define autism by traits of thinking, sensory issues, behaviors, and more. There are many mistaken ideas being perpetuated today, too.

Here is what everybody missed from the beginning. Each of us is completely different. Today autism is understood as being a feature of unevenly developed neurology, where some parts of our neurological systems perform amazingly well all the way to very poorly indeed.

Depending on what part of our neurology is affected, we will show very high performance in neurological testing in some areas, right down to exceptionally weak performance in other areas.
Not one of us is the same, except that our neurological functions have been affected by the way we developed. (autism)
This can not be changed by diet, medications, miracle drugs, behavior training, or any other known mode of treatment. We are born autistic and we die autistic.

There is no “look” to autism. “you don’t look autistic” is a common comment totally based in false ideas about autism.

There is no set pattern of thinking, no set pattern of behaviors, not set level of intellect, no set performance levels of any tests available to us today.
Every single autistic individual has neurology that is unevenly developed, but this can show in as many ways as there are autistic people on earth.

Some mistaken ideas and misinformation I have heard “quoted” lately.
“autistic people are many times more sensitive ( some quote(sic) 8x, 12x etc) than neurotypical individuals”
Where did that one come from?

How does one measure sensitivity levels and how does one weigh how each individual reacts to stimulus.???? Do they mean physically sensitive or emotionally sensitive? Do they mean actually feeling, or are they referring to reactivity to any stimulus?

I blame this false information on the “highly sensitive person” social movement.
This idea that certain people are either slow, stupid, sluggish, or highly sensitive and therefore somehow socially or otherwise desirably “highly sensitive”, which fashion often has tied into highly intelligent.

This theory was around in the 1800s, perhaps even earlier when body types were tied for no actual prove-able reason to certain personalities, and perpetuated by psychologist William Sheldon in the 1940s . (and by others since, as well) (this theory has been thoroughly disproven/debunked by the way)
I need to do more research for past writings to uncover the historical bias evident in these loosely associated ideas.

There are no studies or tests to prove “sensitivity”. Science has not developed this capability. Every trait described by the “highly sensitive person” social movement is frequently found in autistic individuals, yet the most recent perpetuator of this ‘diagnosis’ denies that “highly sensitive persons” may be autistic. Oh, great way to avoid stigma of the autism label and all its misconceptions, by the way.

Any statement that begins with “autistic people” and describes a single trait should be regarded with suspicion and caution.
Almost all the ideas about the way we (autistic individuals) think (heard of “extreme male brain” ?) and behave ( heard about autism and “theory of mind”??) needs to be re examined in light of science’s new understanding of autism.

Not one of us is the same. We can not be put into a box and categorized under one thought process, one neurological response, one mode of speech, behavior, ability, or trait.

More and more, those professionals and others who understand autism in this new neurological light are looking for the ways our neurodevelopment or lack thereof affect our interactions with every day living, from the way we communicate, the way we respond or don’t respond to stimuli of many sorts, to our motor and perceptual differences.

Autism is sensory, neurological, and gives us neurological struggles that most NT individuals will never experience. Our sometimes unusual , strange, or seemingly extreme behaviors may be our attempts to adapt and cope to the experience of living with uneven development of our neurology.

When people make blanket statements about autism, what it is, or what autistic individuals do, think again. Most such statements will be based in false ideas and misinformation.

Adjusting to Autism diagnosis

In our later years.

Recent diagnosis at any age can be a relief, a shock, cause emotional pain and distress, relieve emotional pain and distress, all of the above, or none. For each of us, our perspective will likely be changed forever. Things we thought we understood may change, as we begin to sort our long histories and pasts and make sense of many of the “whys” of the long lives we have lived before we ever discovered our autism.

Along the way, many of us may have learned ways to cope, adapted behaviors to survive and to get along, and many of these may not have been healthy! We may come to our recent diagnosis feeling overwhelmed, incompetent to deal with life and new perspectives our diagnosis might give us. That’s OK, and you can pretty much expect some form of all that!

The good news is that we can learn new ways to communicate and our diagnosis can give us tools and insights that might not have been evident before. We can figure out our worst struggles and find ways to “do life” in easier and less distressing ways, now we know about our autism.

I learned to communicate in healthy self assertive ways.
I learned to see when I was being “guilted” , “intimidated”, “manipulated” and how to set boundaries and protect myself against those behaviors from others.
Along with those skills, I also had to be taught to recognize “what is my job, and what is not”.

Let me explain. All my life I had been trained to please others. Frequently somebody would say “you made me cry” “You hurt my feelings” “you make me so angry”

See a pattern in those statements? The person involved is telling me it is my responsibility to make sure they are happy. That they do not have hurt feelings, that they are not “made” angry by whatever I do. Punishment reinforced this idea, that somehow it was my job to please and appease others in my household, or any other part of my world. I had that power! I had to control it, no matter what I wanted or how I felt, how I disliked doing whatever was asked of me. I must please the other people at any cost.
Now, of course each person’s experience will have been different, but I bet a lot of readers will relate to this experience on some level.

One thing that has helped me tremendously is to learn to recognize “things I can control” versus “things I can’t” . This has been surprisingly difficult to learn after the first 30 years of my life being indoctrinated to this point of view.

I started reading about control, about who can control me, (only me!) and who I must please (only me). things I can’t control include the weather, people’s opinions, disease, catastrophe/accidents, other people’s actions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings. OH? I wasn’t responsible after all when you cried over something I did and punished me over and over for it? OH? I was not responsible for the times you hit me because I did something that “made you” be angry? This was an extreme revelation to me… I had such a difficult time processing the fact that persons chose to respond to me and my behaviors in their own ways of their own choosing, and that I, in fact did not cause their hatred, their anger, their violence, their shaming, blaming, controlling behavior toward me. When people said I “should” do something, or I am “supposed to” do something or feel something, or believe something, I thought they had a secret manual or list of rules that I was not able to access. I believed that they were telling me rules I must live by, rather than understanding that these were things that THEY believed, things that THEY thought, things that THEY wanted from me.

Many of the ways we deal with our world are due to habit or learned as children to survive our struggles in “less-than-understanding” or healthy situations growing up. The ways we learned to protect ourselves may not work well for us as adults, but there are so many ways we can choose to behave in any interaction with others… we just need to find out what our choices are and learn how to use the newer and healthier tools we have access to as we discard our old struggles and make adaptions for ourselves as we age. It is Ok to reach out to a counselor or therapist or social worker to ask for help and explanations if you find it a struggle to sort all of this on your own.

Look for more information about healthy self assertive behavior, look for more information about things you can’t control, things you can, and learn how to tell one from the other. You may suddenly find yourself feeling freer than you ever have before.

When we are able to make our own choices depending only on what is right for us and be free of others opinions, feelings, agendas and wants, we are better able to have healthy relationships and fewer worries and struggles. Check it out!

INFODUMP

Autism and information sharing

Have you heard that term? “infodumping” ??? It refers to information sharing.
It seems to have its origins in negative attitude toward the autistic inclination to share information.

I began reading in depth about infodumping or information sharing recently.

Of course most articles were about children and how to keep them from “infodumping”, redirection was the most frequently advised response. I recently met a mother and her autistic offspring. Mother told her children directly, when I want to know about that, I’ll ask you. (a less direct way to say “shut up”, “I don’t want to hear from you” ) What message does that send to those children? ( see the last statement in above parentheses ).

When we are enthusiastic about any topic, we want to share the excitement of what we are learning, have learned, with others. We reach out to share what seems like magic, stimulating, enthusiasm-making information only to be rejected and told our excitement and interest does not matter, that nobody wants to hear about it.

Information sharing is one of the primary ways we reach out to others, and can be used to teach conversation skills, reinforce self esteem, and our enthusiasm for any subject can be used to help us find our way in the world.

Associate any task with our interest and you have our immediate attention. Example: I hated math in general when young, but when I learned I would need math to calculate how much hay to buy my(imaginary back then) horses for a day, a month, a year, etc. I could see it was something I would need. Doing math problems about horse related things made me less resistant and more receptive to using math.

Information sharing is a way of trying to reach out and make our interests relevant and interesting to others as well.

In reading about infodumping/ sharing interests I figured out that my blog and my FB interest groups were all forms of information sharing. We don’t share emotions, we share facts.

Somewhere very early on in my life I learned to hide my feelings and that they were useless to me. Instead I figured out that facts were tools that I could use to figure many things out. I could not trust my emotions or my peers/parents/siblings emotions to guide my behavior and my thoughts, instead I relied on what I thought were facts.

I immersed myself in learning facts, finding more out about any topic that interested me. Facts were tools I could use, could relate to, and they did not change from day to day, and if they did change, I could get more information to understand why.

Today, my life is still filled with “information sharing” activity, maybe even more than before. I have hope that others like me will understand and find relief and enlightenment in the sharing of autism related information.

My daily researching and interacting with others on line, information sharing of things related to my favorite topics , is me trying to help others, attempting to help with answers to questions or information to apply to ways to understand ourselves.

Look at information sharing as making oneself vulnerable in order to share a small part of one’s passions and caring.

Look beyond the fact that YOU might not be interested, but that the person sharing the facts they have so passionately gathered with you in order to find a connection or recognition of the things that are important to them.

Can you see the person and the enthusiasms, the passion, the interest in that “infodumping” person wanting an interaction so badly with you and hoping you might understand?

Communication is always a “2 way” (or more ways with more people) thing. Are you doing your part to reach out to the autistic individuals in your life? Do you expect them to interact with you on your terms only, in your way, expecting them to adapt and interact only in ways of your choosing? Or are you willing to look behind simply expecting certain behaviors and communication on your terms and see how hard the autistic individual is trying to relate or get you to relate to them?
Are you willing to learn about the ways autistic individuals communicate, and reach out to understand, accommodate, and learn more about their lives, their experiences, their unique abilities and gifts as well as blaming and shaming, coercing them to fit society’s idea about what they “should” be, instead of who and what they are?

Autism adjustments

We can choose how to live better lives after diagnosis

Suddenly everything begins to make sense! All of the “whys” of our past, our misunderstandings of what happened, ideas about who did what and why, beliefs about our histories, our families, our experiences and our own self concept are shaken and shifted to the very core of our being.

Knowing how autism acted in almost all parts of our lives and how own behavior, thoughts, actions, and beliefs have always been affected ( since birth!) by autism is validating, upsetting, a relief, a sad disappointment, a painful and exultant discovery for many of us. One dominant emotion may keep us involved for months, hours, weeks, days… we turn it this way and that looking at our pasts, others, our selves , and work out how it “really was” or “really is”.

I can hardly describe all the changes my mind and emotions have gone through since I first suspected my autism.

One of the best parts of finding out I am autistic in my mid and late 60s from first suspicions to confirmation through official diagnosis, is that I have learned how to make adjustments to my life to make it better and easier for me.
I have been able to give myself permission to avoid doing social things that are distressing and difficult by changing my schedule to do “something else” instead. Instead of going to the wedding or big family party,
I am able to write a note or make a phone call saying I won’t be there on the day but that my heart will be with the celebrating person(s) and I will deliver or send a gift or a card instead.
If somebody wants to meet in a crowded restaurant, mall, or do an activity involving high levels of noise or crowds, I feel comfortable proposing something to do in a quiet setting or other peaceful location or activity.

Maybe I have to regretfully say, “sorry, I won’t be able to do that this time”, but most friends and family will forgive me. I will counter with another proposed activity at a later date, one that fits my abilities and sensory struggles better.

Schedules and activities, places to go and things to do can be changed for self accommodation once you know your personal struggles and recognize those things you can choose to do
( those which do not set off the anxiety, migraines, cause illness or strong discomfort.)

It is OK to say no to those things which are a struggle for you.

No matter what others think or say, self care must come first, and there are many ways of meeting “social obligations” without making yourself sick with stress over any proposed activity.

When we recognize our sensory struggles we can adjust our physical surroundings to help us find calm and quiet, help us do household chores, paperwork, self care and personal care, etc.
Just because grandma always used to do something a certain way does not mean you can not use any other method to do the same thing. Cook all day, bake and make everything from scratch? You don’t have to! You can buy from a deli, take carry outs home, buy pre prepared frozen dinners, go out to eat…. in almost every situation there are multiple options.

You might not have ever thought about changing things up, doing the same things or trying to force yourself to do the same things unsuccessfully over and over. (autistic rigid thinking in action there!).

Instead, if anything in your life causes constant distress, anxiety, emotional or physical overload, consider trying a different approach to accomplish any goal.

We can live better and easier lives by making changes, but first we have to recognize the things that are the most difficult for us,

Next we can give ourselves permission to do anything differently to make our lives easier and less filled with struggles. It is OK to try something different!

Featured

Hidden Autism?

find clues here: YOU MIGHT BE AUTISTIC IF :

Interacting with others is usually difficult, uncomfortable, upsetting, or not satisfactory in other ways. ( diagnostic criteria 1 -social struggles)

Signs include being estranged from family, lack of friends, multiple marriages or relationships that end in distress, constant fighting or misunderstandings with others including: trouble with people in school, church, relatives, workplaces, encounters on the street or in public places, difficulty with situations such as doctors offices, emergency treatment/hospital/clinical settings, difficulty in encounters with those who work with the public (police, teachers, store clerks, restaurant servers,or workers who come to your home ( such as plumbers, lawn care, house cleaners, etc etc etc).

You may have been bullied, abused,/ and-or neglected as a child, you may still be bullied or in an abusive relationship.

You may prefer to keep away from others because your “people” experiences have not been so good. Sound familiar? Keep reading.

YOU MIGHT BE AUTISTIC IF: You struggle with communication.( diagnostic criteria 2)
You might find it difficult to express yourself either spoken words or in writing, using ASL, texting, or on the phone.

You might have troubles with speech , including stuttering or stammering, freezing up when you think about speaking or are suddenly called on to speak.

You may not recognize your own emotions until they overwhelm you and you end up “falling apart,”
“blowing up” “freezing up” or “breaking down”, or “having rages” .

You might be dyslexic, hyperlexic, or be unusually talkative or withdrawn. You might prefer to read and write to communicate.

You might have difficulty using your facial features and body language, or others have told you that you have strange body language or gestures and expressions.

You may find it difficult to understand the facial expressions and body language of others.
You might have frequent misunderstandings and have trouble following directions.

You might have been accused of being over friendly or being cold, or of behaving inappropriately.
You may not recognize “personal space” of others.

Social chit chat is frustrating, boring, annoying or causes anxiety.

Having long two- sided conversations with exchange of information or ideas, or sharing of emotions is mostly unknown or you may never have experienced this.

You tend to avoid interacting with others because of these difficulties.

YOU MIGHT BE AUTISTIC IF : you have rigid thinking and or repetitive behaviors ( diagnostic criteria 3)

You might have a regular routine around many parts of your life, and you hate to have those routines disrupted or suddenly change.

You hate surprises (good or bad)

You expect certain behavior from others and are surprised, disappointed, angry, or dismayed if they do not behave the way you expect.

You have strong beliefs about right and wrong, what is good and what is bad, and you rarely change those beliefs.

You may have intense interests in details surrounding a specific subject or subjects. It is not unusual for these interests to change over a period of time, but whatever those interests are, they will be very specific and demanding detail and will be absorbing and of almost driven/ obsessive proportions.

You have certain rituals or processes you must do in order to accomplish certain tasks. Being asked to change these suddenly makes you uncomfortable, upset, angry, or distressed and worried.
As an example, I brush my teeth after I eat anything. since I snack constantly, I brush my teeth a lot when I am home. When we travel, I am often unable to brush after meals or snacks and I find that distressing. Other examples would be the order in which you do any task, the tools you might use or need to work or to perform the task, time of day you must do things, etc. If your rituals or processes are changed or interrupted it is difficult to proceed without upset.

You may tend to isolate yourself or resist other activities or interactions if they interfere with the structure of your rituals and routines, or if you are not given time to prepare for them properly.
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If you relate to these things, and more importantly relate to 2 or more behaviors from any of these 3 sections, you may be autistic.
The sections I just described are sometimes called the diagnostic TRIAD of autism… having behaviors from all 3 sections are points used to diagnose autism.
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I add my own criteria here: ( and many diagnostic persons also take note)
YOU MIGHT BE AUTISTIC IF :
You have sensory struggles. This can include not only trouble with any or all of the “usual” 5 senses but also difficulties in interoception and proprioception. These have to do with regulating your emotions and knowing where your body is in relations to the rest of the world.
You may struggle with perception of light, taste, touch/feel, smells, sounds, knowing and expressing your emotions, and being coordinated/clumsy, having trouble while in motion or watching others in motion, listening and understanding, fears related to going too fast, fear of falling, fear of being touched, sudden noises, being overwhelmed by a smell, hating certain foods due to their taste or texture, trouble wearing clothing because of seams, texture of fabrics, sticky labels, etc. The range of sensory struggles is so big I can not include enough examples. But if you think about how you use your senses and what your most difficult struggles are, you may find that many relate to unusual sensory processing.

You might have a personal history of job loss, unemployment, being bullied, abused, “set up”, scammed, used or victimized. You may have a personal history that includes experience with substance abuse, involvement with law enforcement/ justice system, multiple diagnoses of genetic and or neurological disorders, autoimmune disorders, depression, anxiety, or other mental and/ or physical illness, homelessness, poverty, and may have recieved therapy or treatment which was not successful or resulted in non typical ways of responding to treatments for named diagnoses.
These things are documented to be significantly higher in the autistic population.

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One of the difficult things about diagnosis of autism is that it does not have just one way of showing itself, because it is due to differences in neurology, each person will be different, and each of us will have different life experiences, all of which help to hide our struggles and make them difficult to define. The things listed here are necessarily general descriptions and it is up to us to sort out which details of our own lives apply to the descriptions of the way we struggle. Although autism is physically uneven development of our neurology, diagnosis depends on general behavioral guidelines and autism’s effects on our lives are mostly behavioral.

I continue to address older adults who think they may be autistic and to encourage them to consider diagnosis, search out information, to ask for help.
You are not alone.
Knowing my diagnosis has made all the difference to me even at the end stages of my long and struggling life. Finally I can make sense of it all. What a relief!

What happened to all the autistic children?

They grew up to be adults!

Awareness is rising about autism and most people have heard of autism. Autism is primarily thought of as a children’s issue in the eye of the general public. What happens when these kids grow up? What happened to all the children who grew up before autism was commonly diagnosed in kids? They are now autistic adults!
If the CDC is right, there are well over 4 million autistic adults in the United States alone, and most of us have never suspected we are autistic.

How do we find autistic adults today?

Autistic people are more likely to be suicidal.

Autistic people are more likely to be victims of crime.

Autistic people have a higher rate of depression and anxiety.

Autistic people account for about 10 percent of admissions for treatment in rehab centers for alcohol and drugs ( compared to 1 percent of the general population admitted) This is truly stunning when you understand that autism is believed to affect 2.2 percent of the general population.

Autism may account for up to 10 percent or more of the homeless population.

Autism may be involved in those admitted to jails and prisons although very little or no research has been done specifically on autism. Intellectual disability in general has been studied as a factor in prison populations and shown to be present in higher than normal levels among the general population.

Autistic people tend to have poorer health and to die younger. Life expectancy in some studies is as low as 38 years. Other studies say around 58.

From these statements one can see how knowledge of autism would be particularly useful to certain groups. Doctors and health care workers of all types, law enforcement professionals, social workers, can you name others?

Diagnosis of autism as an adult can change lives. Self understanding is one of the keys to finding a new life amid common social struggles. Autistic people seem to have more than our share from a statistical reporting level at the very least. I can not tell you the huge difference my understanding of my own late diagnosis has made in my mundane and every day life. I can only imagine how useful such self knowledge can be to those struggling with such difficult issues in their lives, and how useful it would be to know and understand about how autism may have been involved in so many lives of pain and hardship.
I am reading of mandatory screening for autism in new hospital admissions for suicidal behaviors. I am reading of mandatory screening in clinical situations for care of those struggling with addictions.
I am grateful that professionals in some places are using today’s understanding of autism to help recognize and diagnose autistic adults. So much more needs to be done. Please help spread the word.

Autism Awareness April

April has been designated Autism awareness month once again.

The word is getting out. Autism awareness and acceptance news is spreading.
This is a challenge to all of us to go one step more, some of us will make posts, give talks, write our blogs, participate in other awareness and acceptance activities.
I hope we can add awareness of autism in adults to the things we discuss this year. (2020)

Extrapolated from the most recently completed USA Census, There are 1.6 million children in the USA (2 percent of the total population of those under age 18) who likely are autistic.
Awareness is rising and help is becoming available for children. Never quickly enough but we are definitely making progress.

Children do grow up. Here is a statistic that might surprise you.
Did you know there are likely 4.2 million autistic adults over age 18???
(2 percent of the adult USA population age 18 and older). Did you know the majority of them will be completely unaware of their own autism?
Please share these statistics. Those of us who are affected by autism know the difference a diagnosis makes in our lives.
Thanks for sharing, and for promoting understanding of autism in all ages.
Learn more here:

https:// oldladywithautism.blog/author/debrabrisch3436/

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