Becoming a victim Autism

autism and being a target

Autism and vulnerability, autism and trusting nature, autism in old age, autism as targets of crime.

I probably have your attention now!

Statistics from internet sources confirm that autistic individuals report being victims of crime more frequently than the general population.

There is much speculation about why this may be so. Those with autism become easy targets once our trust is gained, and since for many of us, our “social radar” and ability to detect hidden motives is poor, we can be tricked, conned, lied to, manipulated, pressured and intimidated into situations that others may more easily be able to avoid.

One way we can help ourselves to stay safe and be less likely to become victims is to learn about the types of crime and how we can spot it, protect ourselves, what measures we can take to be safer in public and or at home, this includes the internet and email/ forums/ things like dating services, social groups, and any interactions we may have with others.

Especially as we grow older, we become focus of predators who may want to use us for their own benefit. Younger people need to watch more for sexual predators and how they may be placing themselves in jeopardy physically. As we grow older, adults need to watch for those who want access to our bank accounts, credit cards, household valuables, the drugs we may take to alleviate pain in our poor health as we age, and the multiple ways scammers use to access us and play upon our lack of social skills, lack of self confidence, our trusting ways being usually non suspicious by nature, etc are amazing.

Simply being aware that there are predators “out there” may not be enough! Learning about the ways they work can help us spot unlikely behavior and questionable motives.

Home improvement scams and home help scams : Predators gain access to your home and may present you with what seems like “cheap” help , fix a roof or paint the house, put in new steps or drive/walk? Sign this contract, and oh, by the way I need at least half of this in cash as an advance .

Dating and romance: sometimes people pretend to be romantic interests in order to get you to give them money. I just need $$$ because I need surgery, my son is disabled and needs an operation. I’ll by the engagement ring but I don’t have enough for the deposit, I need money to complete school when I graduate I can fly to you. I need money for rent, for tickets to fly to meet you, for helping my poor granny…. any plea for money online or the phone before you have ever met somebody “in person” (or even after) especially if they promise love love love and tell you repeatedly after only a short period of contact how much they care about you… that should set of huge alarm bells.

Photos of the handsome/ beautiful person you are talking to are not likely to be the actual individual. No matter how lonely you are, no matter how much you want companionship or a partner…. think it through. Can you find them in city/state/records or other places on the internet as proof of their actual claims (address, phone number, employnent history, tax or voting records?) Romance scams may be the most painful of all. Guard your heart and your finances.

Need somebody to clean or cook or help take care of household needs or personal things such as toileting and bathing/ dressing? Watch them go through your things and take what they want, including what may be in the medicine cabinet . They may give hints that they are poor and needy and ask for loans, ask for forwarding of salary and then deny they recieved it and demand payment. Might want reimbursement for things they claim you asked them to purchase (food, meds, something for cleaning, car care, etc) Might want to bring a friend to visit … might look through your personal files to see what your financial status is, steal checks or pass books, ask you to sign papers and try to keep you from reading and understanding what they say.

The best thing you can do is talk to others to learn how these scams and theft are done. The internet can help, sometimes senior centers or police departments can help with instruction or more information.
Your local librarian may be able to help you find more information, and of course there’s always the internet.

Phone scams: somebody calls claiming to be a relative in jail, medicare, your bank, your doctors office or pharmacy, your credit card company. Anybody who asks for information about your bank account number or your credit card number is probably fraud. Tell them you will call them back, hang up and call your bank, etc yourself from the numbers on your own records (don’t use recall feature or phone ID number from which you received the call)

Internet scams: Beware of

People who post sad stories about needing money for medical bills, dental work, their mission work, home fire, family problems, etc. wanting money to find a lost family member or a lost pet. Wanting you to give your money to them for any sad reason at all. even If you have lost a pet and somebody claims to have found it, or another lost item and says they are far away and need money to return the lost item. Postage, shipping, travel expenses?

Somebody who sees you are a golden person with a good heart, a beautiful smile, how much they love your posts, but they are not anybody you ever interacted with before. Be my friend, I am so glad I found you!!!! beware!!!!

People with good deals especially for you. Just send a deposit for shipping , handling, taxes (you have won the lottery!!!!) etc.

Emails from a foreign prince telling you he needs your help… ( this has become a joke, but some people must have fallen for it at some time because the scam in many forms still exists and if it had failed and was not profitable, predators would have changed their methods)

Surveys on the phone or on line: Can gather huge amounts of information about personal possessions or habits, security measures, bank accounts and investments,

Do educate yourself on the ways fraud and theft happen especially to older folks. We might not have learned about personal safety when we were young, but we can do our best to protect ourselves in our older age by learning basic safety not only for our personal well being but also how to protect ourselves against the sea of metaphorical sharks “out there” who would like nothing better than to have access to our homes, our savings, our possessions, our health and credit records, etc etc. You have it in your power to prevent these things from happening.

If you feel inadequate to do your own research, reach out to social service agencies, the police, your local senior center, the library, or trusted others to help you get the information you need to protect you life and assets from predators. Autism may make us more vulnerable, but we can help ourselves to see beyond the friendly voice, the smiling face, the helpful “friend”… I hope this sets us to thinking about finding new ways to be safe as we age.

Autism and Abuse

Abuse is reported at a much higher rate for autistic individuals.
This is a trusted web site. I don’t post many links here but the info in this page is too important to not share. Self care always first. Learn the signs of being abused and what to do about it.

https://embrace-autism.com/unhealthy-relationships/

we need to know we are more vulnerable due to our neurology and we need to learn to recognize unhealthy relationships in order to keep ourselves safe.

Like other parts of every day living, learning our diagnosis can give us new perspective on old problems and help us sort and find better ways to live our lives. It is never too late for self care, never too late to learn new ways to survive and even thrive.

I left an abusive relationship 40 years ago after learning to be abused at home and being a victim for years.
Learning healthy self assertive behavior saved my life and my sanity.
I first had to recognize that I had been abused, and I had to learn how to take responsibility for my own life and my own “complicity” or compliance in allowing the abuse to happen.
I had to learn new healthy behavior, how to make better decisions.
Reaching out for help saved my life . You do not have to do this alone!

Please take care of yourself, you are worthy of happiness, comfort, being loved, finding peace and self understanding. ❤

Autism : Teaching compliance

Making the perfect victim

One topic that keeps coming up on the autism discussion forums I belong to is how many of us have been victims over time.
We seem to have suffered more than average rates of crimes ( simple physical and or sexual assault, fraud, intimidation, manipulation for profit, use and abuse by those we believed were friends or even domestic partners, on and on).
One of the most asked questions is “how can I know when people are taking advantage of me, how do I figure out if what I am experiencing is abuse?”
What makes us so vulnerable to this sort of use and abuse?
I believe it is a number of factors.

One of the characteristics of autism is its “black and white thinking”. We take things literally and often do not see what is “behind” a statement or a behavior.
If we think we see a duck, we do not suspect it is really something else.
What we think we see is what we believe.

We tend to be anxious to find approval and friendship, and romantic love. ( Isn’t that human nature?)
But it seems we are not equipped to see (hidden motives) behind the face that is put on to gain our confidence.
We take things literally, so if my man friend tells me he loves me, do I even suspect he does not, but has more nefarious purposes? (gender used in this case is just an example and does not reflect that this can and does seem happen to all of us regardless of gender). Manipulative use can come from people we see as ‘friends’ , buddies from work or other situations asking for money, asking us to give them homes with us, help them do things, even directing and or pressuring us to do illegal things, either innocently, or knowingly.

I know one thing that made me very vulnerable was being taught to be compliant and obedient. This was the style of child rearing practiced in the 1950’s and 60’s. Kids were meant to be seen and not heard, they were to be polite and obedient to adults, neighbors, teachers, the minister, the folks in the stores and other public places. We were taught unquestioning response to adult demands.
I was punished over and over for asking why, although I was looking for clarification of intent or purpose and not questioning the actual commands that were given to me.
I was taught to sit still, to not speak unless spoken to, to be in all ways at all times a “nice little girl”, to be a “lady”, and society’s expectations for women to please men was role modeled for me.
I was taught to seek approval in everything I did, and to wait for directions, not to take my own initiative, and to in all things be subservient, looking for approval.

This ties in to lifelong struggles to appease any person I come in contact with. I must strive to please every person I meet. I learned this behavior as a very young child and it was the safest way to live in my world.
That approval was the only way I was able to keep myself safe, if I did not have approval and permission or direction from somebody else more powerful (and EVERYBODY was more powerful) then I did not proceed, for it was not safe to do so.

Thinking back, I realize I had learned these lessons and this behavior before I even entered school, and subsequent experiences throughout my childhood repeated and re-enforced the lessons.
I had learned not to be self assertive under any conditions, to wait for instruction , to seek approval. I was not allowed to get angry, and was punished severely for any angry or resentful behavior.
Combine that with my autistic lack of insight into human nature, lack of understanding of social and other interactions, lack of life experience and lack of explanation for any factors beyond ” Do it when I tell you to, and how I tell you to” … you can understand how I was ‘set up’ to fail. I was raised to be the perfect victim, and this is what I became.

Flash forward to today’s ABA , where kids are taught the exact same things to make them “socially acceptable” and “cure” their autistic behaviors.

They must endure adult pressure for extended periods of time, are taught to seek approval, act only when told to act and in the way that those adults choose, how and where they choose. This is performed for up to 40 hours a week usually before the child enters school.
ABA kids are taught to accept touch from those in power over them, uncomfortable, often sudden touch in the form of tickles, hugs, etc etc and taught to endure and act to please the controlling adult.
They are taught to do without protest the rote projects they are faced with performing.

ABA kids are taught to perform for approval or ‘rewards” such as a bite of a favorite food, much as dogs, or circus animals have been trained for years.

What will become of them when they are faced with demands from society, from classmates, from unreasonable bosses, co workers, high pressure sales persons, or demanding manipulative devious “user” adults who demand money, sex, or other unreasonable and unhealthy behaviors?
Will they have been taught to discriminate, or will they blindly try to appease those sorts for approval?

I can tell you which behavior I chose and used until a suicide attempt at age 30 sent me to therapy, where I learned how to become healthily self assertive.

I did not know there were alternatives to appeasement behavior. I had to be taught!

38 years later and I still struggle most days with appeasement behavior.
( for more information look up” freeze, flight, fight, fawn” patterns of behavior.)