Care of elderly autistic

warehousing older adults with autism in the name of “elder care”


I have been reading articles on “care of geriatric individuals who are autistic” .
I am filled with dread!

I have seen only a few studies and articles which seem to “get it” regarding how individual needs of autistic folks can be. One may need extra bright light, one may crave shadows for comfort to keep from being over stimulated. One may need background music of certain sorts and others may prefer silence. The list is endless, our triggers and processing distresses and overwhelms are many and varied.

Most of us are disturbed by sudden noises or lots of talk/sound from various sources happening at one time. Many of us crave solitude and find it healing and peaceful, rather than lonely. Many of us hate sudden touch or have other sensory struggles. All of us have difficulty interacting with other humans or we would not have got our autistic diagnosis.

My autistic mother (never diagnosed in her life time but obvious to me after I got my own diagnosis) was in a series of nursing homes/ sheltered care/ dementia units as her Parkinson’s and her dementia became too much to manage in a private setting. I have years of experience observing management of care homes through out the 8 years I had responsibility for my mother’s care. I don’t like what I saw then , and what I have been reading is beyond distressing.

The majority of the articles I am finding were written as part of out-reach for gerontology groups and care homes, independent service providers with geriatric specialties, and other professionals trying to convince you that they know best how to take care of your ageing loved one when you can no longer do that. PR and marketing tools! In most of these there is very little actual understanding of autism shown! ( are we surprised??? nooooo)

Nursing homes of today are built to care for large numbers of people simultaneously.
They are perpetually and distressingly under staffed by low paid individuals who are asked to work long and stressful hours with little relief, and who are not equipped/ trained/ emotionally able to deal with constant demands that so many hugely varied clients’ needs call for.

People are gathered several times a day in the large rooms utilized for feeding, “social activities” and other purposes. These areas usually have one or more wide screen TVs tuned to the favorite channel of the care worker/s in charge and turned very loud so it can be heard over the constant noise of so many people interacting or calling in distress . Piped in music can be different in different areas of the place, sometimes PA systems are also used, sounds from one area layer upon each other. Some patients cry, scream, call for help continually day and night, walk and wander perpetually and intrude in private rooms, ransack each others possessions, some sleep in each other’s beds, touch, accost, hug, kiss, or slap/shake or otherwise invade personal space and property.
People are usually placed in these holding pens ( the big utility rooms) as they are for feeding, their companions are not always of their choice, often people must crowd past others, be moved or removed and replaced for others to pass in specialized wheel chairs or using walkers, etc. People touch, push, talk, scream, wail, with piped in background music and the TV tuned in and blaring over it all.


Articles emphasize how important it is to have social contact as an older autistic person. Articles talk about keeping old autistic adults “socializing “by making ( they never use that word though!) them attend exercise classes, support groups, or other planned activities. ( All for their own good) Sometimes groups are loaded on a bus to participate in some off campus activity, even just to “go for a drive” . Many are not given choice to participate in these “activities” .
Aids and care workers whisk patients off to be bathed, changed, have physical therapy or other individual needs met. I have seen care takers repeatedly just come up behind individuals in wheelchairs, grab the handles and start moving. No greetings, no explanations, no warning or time for the person in the chair to orient themselves or consent/acknowledge. No time, too much to do, gotta hurry , here we go! No wonder my mother began to bite people!!!

I can think of no greater sensory hell. I can think of no greater emotional hell, I can think of no more stressful way to spend my last years on earth.

I had to take tranquilizers to force myself to visit my mother. She had to be put on tranquilizers to keep her calm and manageable. No wonder care workers are so hard to find!

People wanting to eat their meals in their rooms or to spend quiet time alone were not allowed to do so. Leaving individuals in their rooms was unsafe due to needs to monitor against falls and other accidents, and difficult for aides who cleaned, changed the linens, etc. to work around.

Feeding/ eating in the rooms was messy and much more work for the staff.
In any of these care situations please realize and recognize that the first priority is managing a huge number of helpless individuals , feeding them and cleaning up after them, keeping them clothed and bodily at least minimally clean. Realize the minimum in most cases is hard to achieve under current circumstances and realities.


Recognize that many autistic individuals have very difficult behaviors/preferences/ thought processes and that only the most basic physical care will be seen to in the very best of circumstances.

The saddest part of all is that we often have no other options or choices available to us. We are not able to care for ourselves or those we love and cope safely at home, and these are the alternatives we face and must choose from. Only the very wealthy have other options.


My father often said “getting old is hell but it beats the alternative”. Today I might argue with that. By 2030 adults born in the baby boom generation will all be over the age of 65. There is now and will be even more need for elder care of all sorts than ever before, and demands placed on an ageing society will be many.

Will society be be able to meet the demand for more than even the most minimal care and basic needs? I see no signs of change, perhaps even already a lack of medical care and service persons to fill the caretakers slots.

This is not a cheerful or up-beat , optimistic post, but a realistic look at our futures.

Plan now for future needs, take care of yourself to the very best of your ability. Do that now!!!
Have long and detailed discussions with loved ones about your needs and desires if at all possible, Think about possibilities and plan for them now.
Don’t assume the worst may not happen, instead plan for it and be glad if it doesn’t. Statistics show that 80 to 90 percent of adults today will spend at least 3 months in some sort of nursing home or other care situation, either for rehab or to live out their last days.

If there is a light at the end of this tunnel, it is surely an oncoming train.
This is a call to action for society and for each of us as individuals to speak up and seek new ways to care for the “happening now no longer impending” demand for services for the elderly.
Is anybody listening?

Random Autistic Thoughts

Things that are on my mind lately: ” aha moments”


Things are kind of quiet and sad at our house. Our good old dog is ageing and it won’t be long before we have to make a painful decision. I am getting up very frequently to let her out at night and sleep is scarce lately. I am very very tired. This will be our last dog. Our cat too is elderly and has a chronic sickness, also not doing well. We have decided it would be unfair to bring a new animal into our lives at our old age and risk leaving an unwanted pet behind if we might pass on before it does. Risks of falls and all the chores of caretaking another animal might be too much as we continue to age. Animals have always been a very big part of my life, so my mind is working on this sad transition even as I expect it is coming soon.

So these circumstances got me thinking about my own ageing process. I am 70. Women in my autistic mother’s family tend to get dementia by age 80, although their bodies have gone on much longer. I feel as if my time is running out and there is a certain sense of urgency to almost everything I write or post these days.

Random thought two days ago. I am still sorting the past and gaining “aha” moments of insight, still putting past upsets, pains and struggles, humiliations, failures, etc to rest.
My mental filing system is working well and after maybe a couple of repeats even the worst memories agree to go to the “finished business” file where I send them and don’t seem to appear.

But with those issues settled, my brain keeps bringing new experiences from the past up for examination. I am rarely truly troubled by these memories as I have alread re lived and painfully examined them over time all these years, and can readily assign them to the files as soon as I recognize they too are “finished business”.

It crossed my mind that I have known about my autism for about 6 years, had diagnosis 2 1/2 years ago in Sept of 2022. I suddenly realized that I will probably be sifting, examining and sorting the past for the rest of my life.

I have loads of difficult memories in the memory bank to work through.
I wonder if I had obtained diagnosis earlier , would this still be the case?
I am willing to do the emotional homework, it is still interesting to understand those old traumas through the new lens of my autism.

I am randomly struck again by how truly impaired my sensory processing struggles and my neurology are. I have been so interested to follow random studies and look for blogs, books, articles on pages about autism, and to follow groups online which support older autistic adults and those of us who are just learning about autism and suspecting we may be autistic .

I made a comment in one forum about some books and links that had been helpful to me, and immediately after my comment, another participant listed many many websites and youtube, twitter, and other very recent media which all involve video and visual presentations.
I realized that I have missed out on many, many sources of input because I simply can not process video content (movies, videos, moving pictures or images of any sort or real life interactions/lectures, podcasts, etc) in “real time”. I was stunned with a huge feeling of loss for my inability to participate in those things.
I have long ago accepted my limitations, so the feeling did not last long, but the infrequent self insight is always an unpleasant surprise and involves for that short time a painful feeling of loss. I know everybody experiences these feelings off and on. It just tends to be something of a surprise. Like other “aha” moments it is a sudden unexpected insight sneaking up on me.

Like the disturbing memories I must file in my “finished business” mental file, and like the sudden insight into how impaired I actually am in one way or another, I suspect that I will also have other “aha” moments for the rest of my life.
I welcome most of those insights.

I have 68 years of not knowing about my autism to sort and understand. I have far less time on earth than that to continue to work to sort it all out. I truly consider myself a “work in progress” even at this late stage of life.